Handsome pt.2

13

We got back to the house seeing Mama Fai playing with Messiah on the couch. He stood on her legs as she held his little waist for support, while he played with her face while she made noises making him giggle. I smiled at the sight of them, I happy that Messiah has a relationship with Dave's parents since he can't see my parents as much unless it's on FaceTime.

"How was the therapy session? Fai asked us as I took Messiah out her arms kissing his chubby cheeks. "It was good, but could be better if someone was more openminded about it" Dave said getting a water bottle out the fridge, I rolled my eyes at what he said. I think therapist are stupid to be honest, I tried to go to one when I lost Sariyah but she ain't help with shit. Maybe cause she a white woman and I ain't feel comfortable around her. Our therapist now is a black woman, she cool but I still don't like the idea of this shit. I just keep reminding my self that it's for Messiah.

It's not like I stopped loving Dave, I still love with him with all my heart. I hate my self for it, after all the shit he put me through, after all the times I forgave him, I never stopped loving this dumbass. So I guess you could say I'm trying to make it work between us for me too.

Fai and Pops ended up staying for dinner before leaving. I put Messiah to sleep before going to our room to shower. I walked in seeing Dave lay on the bed. "What are you doing?" I asked a little irritated to be honest. We been sleeping in seperate rooms since I moved back in, I still need my space and time.

"The other room ain't got a Tv in it" he said not taking his eyes off the tv. I sighed going to my closet to pick out my pyjamas for tonight. When I came back out Dave diverted his attention from his show to me. "Cmere" he said extending his arm out to me. "But I am-" "Ari just come here" he said cutting me off as I sighed and walked over to him and he pulled me into him with his arm. "Why you being distant" he said wrapping his arm around me. "I'm not" I lied as he chuckled. "You are, you get tight as soon as you see me, I can see it in your face" he says as I sighed. "I want to forget about it, I want to forgive you, but it's really hard" I express as he rubbed my arm. "What else?" he asked me. "I don't trust you anymore, I think about everything you put me through every time I see your face, I am so hurt by you, yet I can't stop loving you. I hate this feeling Dave" I said as he sighed. "What can I do to make it better?" he asked me as I thought for a moment. Truth is I don't really know what Dave can do to make it better.

"I don't know" I mumbled. "I can tell you that I won't ever hurt you again because i mean it, but I know you won't believe me" he said. "I want to believe you. That's the thing, I want to forgive you, I want to trust you, I want to make us work, I want us to have more kids and grow old with each other and see our grand kids, I want to still be by your side when I die. It's stressing me out, maybe if I really try to be positive about this therapy shit, maybe that could work, but I'm not sure" I said.

"I'm sorry mama, I didn't want to hurt you, ever. I love you more than anything in the world, that's why I made you my wife" he said as I smiled remembering when he proposed to me. "And maybe my words don't mean shit to you, or it's not enough but I promise ima win you back, after that no more fuck shit" he said and part of me believed him. "I hope you do" I said my head resting against his chest listening to his heartbeat.

-Next day-

"Deadass? That's some crazy sh-, ish man" Dave said stopping himself from cursing as he talked to Messiah. We always talk to him like he is actually talking to us. "Babababa" Messiah said putting his toy in his mouth. "Why you do that? You don't know where that nasty shit been" Dave said as I slapped his arm. "My bad I meant ish" Dave said making me shake my head. Why can't he just not cuss, it ain't that hard.

"Ma" Messiah said mugging him before looking back at me and reaching his arms out to me. "Come to mama baby" I said reaching my arm out to him. He low-key rolled his eyes before crawling to me. Yes my baby can crawl now, he so smart too, everyday he get's smart and grows and starts to look more and more like Dave's twin.