where stars land | haobin

ten.

Zhanghao stops going to school two days before the day he's scheduled to leave. The class throws a farewell party for him after school on his last day; Matthew comes into the classroom weighed down by a massive sheet cake from the bakery near the school, piped with pink and blue icing to spell out HAO, WE'LL MISS YOU!, topped with one single candle burning bright.

Amidst the chaos of Matthew trying to keep his balance without dropping the cake and Ricky and Taerae scrambling to clear the desks away from his path so he doesn't trip, Gyuvin reappears in the doorway, Yujin and Ollie in tow. Naturally, hearing the sounds of clamor and liveliness next door, some of the others from the classes next door have dropped by; Keita and Yunseo and Seungeon, Kuanjui and Haruto and Junhyeon all squeeze into the already crowded classroom, cheering along. Even Krystian stops by to wish Zhanghao all the best, though they've never been close.

It's not his birthday, but the lack of farewell songs drives them to sing the birthday song at the top of their lungs anyway, to Zhanghao's massive embarrassment. Hanbin helps locate the plastic knife somewhere at the corner of the cake box and slice the cake into even pieces, though there's no worry about lack of cake considering the sheer size of it. There are no plates, but no one really has any qualms about eating off their hands anyway, and Zhanghao spends the next half hour thanking people for their well wishes whilst dodging Gyuvin's sneaky attempts to wipe buttercream on his face.

When the noise begins to die down a little, everyone preoccupied with stuffing their faces with vanilla cake, he takes the chance to address everyone for just a short farewell speech.

"Thank you guys, for all this," Zhanghao begins, his smile a little sheepish from all the attention, but nevertheless bright. "I don't think I'll ever forget the good times I had with all of you. I really did want to graduate with you guys, but I guess fate didn't work out for us..."

A massive outcry echoes across the roam and he laughs, bowing his head apologetically. "I'm sorry I had to leave you guys so suddenly, but I promise to stay in contact when I get there, and I'll be back during the summer holidays to visit!"

Those words are nowhere near enough to express what he truly feels for these people, some of whom he's been friends with since he moved to Korea when he was five, some of whom he's gotten close with over the years, some of whom he's seen in the hallways every day but never spoken much to and will never have the chance to, now. 

They've all been a part of his life some way or another, and soon they won't be anymore.

Hanbin can sense the shift in Zhanghao's mood, and he takes his hand quickly. "Hao, this isn't the time to be sad. Come on, let's celebrate!"

The truth is, if Hao starts crying, Hanbin knows he'll cry too. To avoid a full-on breakdown in the middle of a classroom full of people, it's best they pack their emotions up in a box and store it safely away till they're in a better place to work through them, and Zhanghao knows this. Letting his expression brighten back up into a smile, he squeezes Hanbin's hand and lets him lead them to the busier part of the classroom, where Kuanjui and Jeonghyeon are retelling the story about the time Zhanghao showed up to school on a Saturday and waited in the classroom for an hour fully expecting there to be a class going on.

"In my defense!" Zhanghao protests. "In my defense, my phone was broken, You can't possibly blame me for that-"

"That's not even the worst part," Kuanjui cuts in. "It's the fact that you sat there for an hour and just assumed everyone else was an hour late?"

"Hey, Ricky showed up to school four hours late once," Hao says, grabbing onto Hanbin to keep himself from falling over laughing. "Don't act like it's never happened before!"

"Why am I involved in this?" Ricky asks, just happening to hear his name as he passes by.

"I was only telling the truth!'

The general farewell festivities begin to die down as it draws close to the timing after-school clubs start; Ricky and Gyuvin excuse themselves to get changed for basketball practice and Matthew for football training. Zhanghao has orchestra practice today, but given it's his last day and he's already said his goodbyes to them, he's skipping it. He needs to get home and begin packing, his flight is in two days time and he has to take everything he needs with him, because this time, unlike all the times he's packed for camps and sleepovers, he'll be halfway across the world from home.

Hanbin and Zhanghao go their usual way, out the front gate and down the sidewalk towards the bus stop that drops them two blocks away from their neighborhood. Hao is silent, which is uncharacteristic of him around Hanbin, but Hanbin senses that he needs some space and doesn't pry. The silence between them is comfortable, anyway. It's something they've worked hard to establish over the years, the kind of space where no words really need to be exchanged for there to be understanding, the kind of space Hanbin has never found with anyone except him.

Zhanghao breaks the tranquility of the calm spring afternoon, somewhere along the walk from the bus stop to his street. "I don't think I've ever lived through so many endings happen at once," he says quietly. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm making all the wrong choices."

He lets out a smile, but there's something turbulent in his eyes, and Hanbin's heart aches with the knowledge that Hao's beating himself up for leaving them, leaving him, more than anyone else knows. Maybe even more than Hanbin knows.

"I'm not the one who can tell you whether the choice you're making is right," Hanbin answers, slowly, thinking. "But I'll be the one to remind you that no matter the road you choose, I'll always be there to weather the consequences with you. Is that enough?"

Zhanghao smiles, and his eyes brim with unshed tears, but this time, Hanbin knows it's real. "When have you ever been anything less than enough for me?"

Zhanghao wraps his arms around him and Hanbin imagines it's the last time; there's a gentle breeze amidst the late afternoon sun and the sound of a passing car and a chirping sparrow, he breathes in the smell of trees and exhaust and the achingly familiar taste of longing and he misses it, though it has yet to end, so acutely he feels his heart shatter somewhere deep down, somewhere that he's guarded with his life for all his years, somewhere inside him he never knew pain could reach.

Hanbin will remember this moment forever. Regardless of what is to come, regardless of every uncertainty that lies ahead of them, he'll never forget that there was an afternoon in the early spring of his last year of high school where he stood with his soulmate at the cul-de-sac between two streets and learned how to say goodbye for the first time. 

He goes home. Hanbin wonders, as he lays in bed that night, if it'll ever hurt any less.

The universe tells him, yes, and no.