2004. Misc

VIII. 26th May 2023

The whole point of life is to fall recklessly in love, to make mistakes, and to learn from them because how can you improve if you've never made a mistake? And I think that applies to all areas of life, whether that be your studies or your philosophy on how you approach new situations. There's always a certain amount of fear and rational from past experiences that you take with yourself into new ones and it's good to have that because you can't forget what happened in the past, you can't just shove it under a rug and hide from it or pretend it never existed because then it's always there and you haven't learned from it. I think that you should just say fuck it to one little thing a day and do it for you. Within limits of course and be safe. It's not to say that I condone anything dangerous or any form of drugs but I'm talking about the little things. Just do them because they make you happy or because you want to, you don't need a reason, just be selfish for you for one second and then you can go back to what you were doing before. That way you can take those little baby steps. I was so scared to fall for someone because I'd carried a whole disaster with me but learning from it and letting it go instead of holding onto it and letting it weigh you down is so fucking freeing, it feels amazing. And now I'm not overthinking everything every two seconds and if I do, I take a step back, have a laugh because who cares. It's just me and my silly little head. And I think the biggest most important thing in that is that you have to learn to love yourself. Sure it's an ongoing process but god it's yours. It's your own silly little project to make you happy, to learn more about yourself, to give that little bit of care and attention to you because I think that's more important than what someone else could give to you. I wasn't always this confident but it's something you work on and learn. Being comfortable being you is the best feeling and it brings so much your way. I don't think we talk enough about the quiet periods in your life when it feels like nothing is happening or more accurately, nothing that we want to happen to us is happening us but really those are the breaks we get from being overwhelmed, when we can slow things down and heal, focus on ourselves. If it feels like it's been going on for far too long then that's okay, things will happen but the more you long for them, the longer they will take. And that goes for anything. What's the point of wishing for something when you could spend your wishing time doing something for you. And why wait at all for something to come to you? Why not reach for it yourself? You have the ability, you just have to trust in that. And back to the point of falling, it's scary, just like trusting yourself is, but why waste time dreaming about what you'd like your life to be like if you can't make the changes in you. That's where it all starts.

✸ Yesterday I told my friends that I previously had a crush on one of our friends, mentioned I was talking to someone, and had a three hour conversation with my ex. You can choose to overthink each of those events but really, they don't give a fuck. The guys teased me and we joked about it but that's all it was, nothing bad happened. The conversation was sweet and we talked about a load of random shit and reminisced a little and that's okay. Nothing happened, we're both good friends that piss each other off but do care about the other behind all of that. There was nothing to overthink if you stop holding weight to things like that. But that's your decision, you have to let yourself process and heal and it takes time. But regardless, the point I'm trying to make is that you can be as unfiltered as you want, you can just be you and nothing bad will happen.

✸ The guy I'm sort of talking to is busy and so am I and that's okay. I used to get super attached but just being by yourself and learning to love and depend on yourself while changing your mindset does wonders. So what if I'm on read or delivered, the world isn't going to stop spinning, it doesn't mean that he hates me. We've pretty much had one long convo with a couple of brief ones and we're both super busy, and that's okay. You don't have to know how you feel or label anything and there's no point in freaking out over a reply because what's the point in wasting time worrying about that. Focus on you and your day and if they reply, then that's cool, if they don't then okay, they have things to do, other friends to talk to, it's not a big deal so stop trying to overcomplicate it in your mind, just see it as it is.

✸ There's a difference between having high expectations and comparing it to your perfect dream world because that's not what reality is like. It's great to read books and watch movies and want things to be lovely like that but you can't compare it to real life. That comparison and between social media and you is harmful and it isn't going to do you any good. Learn to live in the present.

✸ Tempted to start up a podcast or something but that was my little sprinkles of wisdom. Unedited, unfiltered, etc. if there's any mistakes, sorry about that and I hope it helps a little bit.