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I really hate to self diagnose and hate it when others try to do it to me, not because it might not be true but because it sends me into this spiral of overthinking that I can't get out of and then I get fixated on it and it's always there in the back of my mind. That wasn't entirely relevant but in some ways I guess it is because someone close to me told me I was bipolar as a passing comment in a conversation and I haven't been able to shake it ever since. Well back to the present and honestly, I think they might be right. Maybe it's just a combination of me being a depressed gemini that makes it seem like I might be bipolar but god I really wish I could figure this out with a therapist or something. But anyways, holiday depression sucks. It might be because I keep thinking negatively about this time of year that I've ended up self sabotaging myself into it coming true like sure there's been fun moments and I don't nearly have it as bad as most people but I've just been in such a slump it's ridiculous and I fucking hate it. I want to start writing again and studying and reading without having to force myself or for it to feel like such a struggle to even do half an hour of work. It used to be so easy once I got going but now even that feels impossible and it's like nothing's working and I'm just stuck in this never ending slump. I'm pushing away fewer people than usual even if I have been pretty absent lately or just seemed off to those close to me so I guess it's progress but it just feels tiring to have to communicate with people and I just want to give in to the urge and shut myself up and isolate all over again but I'm trying and I hope that counts for something. (Unfinished thoughts).
✸ Please do talk to a health professional and don't do what I do or get fixated on what someone else tells you because it's bullshit and they don't know you or what they're talking about. It's not worth wasting your time and brain cells over. ✸ Talk to someone or write it or do something to let your feelings out. I promise, it helps. Or even if you just want to talk to someone else to let them distract you from your feelings and let yourself feel better, then that's just as valid. Let yourself feel vulnerable.
