Degrees Of Honor The Honor Series Book One

Chapter 28

I waited to return downstairs after an hour to settle myself. I gathered my strength and willpower to put all this behind me at last. With both Earl and Dad listening, I finished the rest of the story. Anthony is Jacob's father. The abuse I have endured by his hand gave me the strength to run. Now Travis has given me the support and shoulder I needed to face my fears. It was terrifying to see the emotions ripping through Dad's face. His innocent little girl is gone. I have faced the horrible truth of what can and does happen when control is gone.

My father gripped the mantel in his hand tight, so tight I thought it might break. Standing stick straight, staring into the fire, he never made eye contact the entire time I was explaining myself. My father has a nasty temper and I learned at a very young age to steer clear of it. What I see is nothing I had expected. He is stoic, calm, and frighteningly sad.

"And McKennan, you explained all this to him?" The Colonel asked with his back to me, facing the fire that crackled in the fireplace.

I nodded before softly responding. "Yes, he knows everything," My voice is barely above a whisper.

Curling my legs under me, my arms wrapped around my middle as I try to get myself as small as possible. The humiliation of telling him that I, once again, made a huge mistake, is almost unbearable.

It isn't a failed test this time. It's worse, much worse. I wish I could disappear. I just want to go somewhere, anywhere, with Travis and Jacob, never to be found. I just want my family back and to be happy. It is apparently too much to ask.

"This is why you've grown so attached to him, I suppose." It isn't really a question, more of a thought spoken out loud. He began to pace like a caged animal in front of the hearth as he sorted out his thoughts. "It makes sense. I'm sure McKennan felt badly about what happened to you. He may even feel responsible for you and Jacob after hearing everything," He continued the thought out loud. I understand he's trying to explain my feelings toward Travis and his toward me. "I suppose that would make two people grow close. McKennan is a friend and much better than having him as an enemy." Happy with his reasoning, Dad turned to face me. "I"ll make sure I compensate him well for his help."

He doesn't want to admit what he witnessed earlier. He adhered to Earl's plea to make sure McKennan wouldn't be hurt, but he was sure whatever he thought happened between me and Travis would not continue. He doesn't want to see me hurt anymore than I have been. He knows exactly how detached a Marine can be when needed to do his job properly.
When emotions get involved, people get killed.

"He did it because he cares about me, not because he's getting paid!" Arguing with my father, I tried once again to explain.

"Cassie, I paid him to come here. His loyalty to you is because of an order I gave him. Please do not read into his affections for you. Only because he was told, did he show anything toward you. I'm sure after hearing your story he felt sorry for you and Jacob. Anyone with half a heart would." He didn't mean for it to come out as cold as it did. He's just trying to convince me that Travis is a Marine and Marines do their jobs, no emotions involved.

"He promised he'd come back to me." I whisper on the verge of tears.

There is more he doesn't understand. My frustration with my father's inability to understand my feelings began to peak. I remember growing up and having crushes on boys. My father disregarded them as if they were ants at a picnic. My heart had been broken more times than I care to count because he didn't understand me. Now, as an adult, I am finding myself in the same predicament. This time is different. I'm no longer a child. And Travis is not a boy that my father can intimidate to run away.

"He promised, because it kept you from going after him. Cassie, please you have to understand this for what it is. I sent McKennan here because he is the best. The only feelings he has for you are the same as any man's would be in his position. You're beautiful, smart, and you have a lovely child. You've been through one hell of an ordeal. Of course, he wants to hurt the man who hurt you. But he is under orders. You know what that means. McKennan cuts off all emotions because he has an assignment to do. He doesn't love you, honey. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is." The Colonel coldly stated, not seeing the tears brewing in my eyes.