Orange Slices (Joel Miller x f!reader)

Chapter Four

The nights aren't as cold as they once were. There is still a coolness in the air that will send a chill down your spine, making you want to grasp at anything that will make you warm. However, nothing is worse than those below-freezing nights in the middle of winter, curled up in a fetal position, praying to whatever higher power, let it be God or Mother Nature, to put you out of your misery. As you sit on the floor in the far corner of the cabin, you begin to wonder how the winters are in Jackson. Thinking back to this past winter, you have no idea how you pulled through; usually, everyone was huddled in one big group, taking whatever spare jacket someone was willing to lend you and sipping on whatever liquor was available, hoping it would warm everyone up or at least numb their senses to the point where they couldn't coherently think about how cold they were. You're happy that it'll be something you won't have to worry about by the time winter comes around again. You knew snow was a given, but you wondered if there was heating in the homes, like before the world as you knew it ended. Honestly, a fireplace would be good enough for you, even just a thick blanket. Even after Tommy told you all the details about Jackson, you still weren't sure what to expect. As a way to distract yourself from the current awkwardness that ensued between you, Joel, and Tommy, you let your imagination run wild, coming up with the most out-of-touch thoughts and ideas. You try thinking of things that were considered luxuries in the past, imagining them in Jackson, however, even that wasn't enough to fully distract you.

When you came inside earlier, Joel demanded to talk to Tommy in the only spare room this place offered. Even though the door was closed, you could clearly hear everything that was being said, to say the least, Joel was not happy with Tommy for bringing you back. How stupid could you have been, you should have kept moving, we could have been back by now, Tommy. You're always trying to play the hero, you can't save everyone you come across. Tommy stuck up for you though, it's too late, Joel, this is nonnegotiable, I'm putting my foot down this time, you aren't in charge of the decisions I make, and so on. They start talking quieter as the conversation drags on, even though it's dead silent around you, you still have to strain your hearing to pick up anything that's being said. She was alone, low on supplies, had almost no ammunition, and her knife sure as hell wouldn't have saved her, do you really think I was gonna watch her potentially die? I was just as involved in the situation as she was. You take your knife out of your bag, running your finger carefully along the blade—the one Tommy had sharpened for you willingly. What you call a fucking miracle, Tommy, is what I call stupidy, and it's definitely not badass. Joel mocked Tommy for what he said early, making you feel awfully small. It only stung because you knew it was true, you weren't badass, you were only one unfortunate case of 'wrong place, wrong time' away from being dead, but what other choice was there? It's not like you willingly chose to go out on your own again with such little supplies to rely on. Tears brim your eyes as you kick the side of your foot on the wall next to you, trying to shake the feeling that crept up your throat. Maybe things would have been better if Joel wasn't here, and it was still just Tommy and me, you thought, feeling guilty about your wish. Sure, it would have sucked having to walk back to Jackson, you weren't sure if you would've made it given the state of your blistered, swollen feet, and Tommy's leg, but this situation with Joel genuinely sucks even more.

Huddled in the corner, you look up at the night sky out of the broken window in the front of the house. Just as the night you met Tommy, the stars were shining brighter than usual. Turning to your bag, you pull out a small constellation pocket guidebook you snatched from one of the rest stops along the side of the hallway. When you first spotted it, you knew you had to take it with you. Besides, it really didn't take up that much space in your bag, if you really needed to, it would have easily fit into one of the back pockets of your jeans. It was a small piece of your past, one that didn't necessarily make your heart ache, and one you didn't want to abandon. You open up to the index page of the book, running your pointer finger down the page, quickly reading what each section has to offer. You look back out the window, dad would have loved looking at the stars now, there's no light pollution, and everything is so clear now. Thinking about it now, you can't believe it took you this long to notice, the night you met Tommy, the night that finally opened your eyes to the possibility that you could actually start living instead of just surviving.