Project Unity (Red vs Blue reader insert)

S1- Meet the Noobs

Donut: Finally, there it is... Oh sweet, they sell tanks!

--Cut to the Blues standing next to the tank outside of the Blue's base--

Church: Yeah, I'll let you in on a little secret, I've uh... I've actually got a girl back home.

Tucker: Oh yeah? Girlfriend or wife?

Church: No man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get married, but I got shipped out... ah, you know how it works.

Tucker: Oh, well, you gonna marry her when you get back?

Caboose: I'm not gonna get married, my dad always said, "Why buy the cow when the milk for free?" (A/n: Do I need to say it?)

Church: Hey, rookie... did you just call my girlfriend a cow?

Tucker: No, I think he called her a slut! (A/n: Again, do I need to say "Don't do this,"?

Church: I'll tell you what noob, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do.

Caboose: Great.

Church: See, we've got this General.

Tucker: Right, the General guy.

Church: ...who likes to come by and make random inspections of the base, so what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go into the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention, just in case he decides to come by.

Caboose: When, is he coming by?

Tucker: We never know, it could be today, could be a week from now.

Caboose: You want me to stand at attention for a week?

Church: You don't sound very grateful, this is the most important job at the whole base. And you're gonna be right there with the flag.

Caboose: What's so important about the flag?

Church: Oh, come on don't they teach you guys anything in training?

Caboose: They didn't tell us anything about a flag, why is it so important?

Church: Because it's the flag, man you know it's the f... it's the flag, it's... Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important.

Tucker: Well... it's... it's complicated. Uh... It's blue, we're blue.

Church: It's just important, okay? Trust us, so when the General comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag.

Tucker: Right.

Church: So just go in there, you know far away from us, and wait for him.

Caboose turns around and heads for the base, but stops halfway and turns around.

Caboose: Uh, how will I know when I see him?

Tucker: There's only three of us out here rookie, he's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us.

Church: Now get in there, and don't come out! (turns to Tucker) Man, that guy is dumber than you are. 

Tucker: You mean he's dumber than you are.

Church: Wow Tucker, that was a great come-back.

Caboose emerges from the base with Church and Tucker in the distance.

Caboose: Uh, Mr. Church? Sir?

Church: Oh my god, WHAT!? (turns to Tucker) Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him!