Under My Protection

Chapter 13

Bun Ma balanced Mai's breakfast tray in one hand while softly knocking on the door to her quarters. Though her insides were fluttering with nerves, her hand remained calm and unaffected from years of practice. She had spent days practicing. Practicing because she knew she had one opportunity. Only one. She needed to calm her thoughts until they were no longer a string of judgments and angry expletives. She wanted to share her thoughts so they would be heard and not end with a door shut in her face. She needed to funnel her anger and hurt into compelling explanations and encouragements for the woman behind the door. A woman who, just like Rain, had been mistreated for years and was no longer the woman she was when Bun Ma had first met her.

So Bun Ma had rehearsed the words flowing from her heart until her mind could temper them so they were calming but forceful. She rehearsed when cooking, when lying in bed at night, when delivering Rain his food trays, and when handing those same trays to Mai each morning, trying to assess if her words would even matter to the woman.

Bun Ma had to believe they would matter. After weeks of observing her, Bun Ma was convinced that Mai still loved Rain, still wanted better things for him. She had watched her during the last family dinner with Yihwa. Seen her eyes flitting between Rain and her plate, despite her head never moving in his direction. Had seen the hands clenching and unclenching in her lap. Seen her looking at Yihwa with what most would describe as a vacant stare but that Bun Ma knew seethed with anger. Seen her eyes linger on Phayu a moment too long as he stared at the back of Rain's head. Noticed how the wrinkles around her eyes softened as they landed on Phayu.

She knew. Bun Ma was convinced that Mai knew. Knew about Phayu and Rain. While her heart was confident, she needed more information before confronting Mai about her assumptions. Bun Ma was ready to figure out the truth about what Mai did or did not know.

The door opened, Mai smiling faintly at Bun Ma, stepping back and gesturing for her to enter the room. Bun Ma walked past Mai and set the tray down on the small dining table in the corner of the room. Gripping the tray tightly, she took one last settling breath before turning back to look at Mai who had moved beside her.

"Khun Mai, I'd like to ask if you could indulge me a few moments of your time to discuss something."

Mai looked at her curiously, not used to Bun Ma saying anything beyond "Good morning" or "Have a good day."

"Of course, Bun Ma. What can I help you with?"

This was her moment. Bun Ma's one chance to perhaps tip the balance of life in this house. She had never felt like a particularly impactful person. Never felt that she played an important role in anything that occurred beyond feeding and caring for Rain and Mai. But she felt powerful at this moment. She felt strong. Brave. Ready to risk her position in this house to affect change.

"Rain. I am hoping you can help me with Rain," she began, her eyes never leaving Mai's startled face. "I need to speak to you about the Yihwa situation and I'm asking for your permission to speak freely, honestly with you."

Despite Mai's face losing its color, she answered quietly, "You may speak freely Bun Ma."

"I can tell that you are just as uncomfortable with this arranged marriage conversation as I am. I know you too well, Khun Mai. We have lived together for a long time and although you try not to show your concern, I see your distress. I see that this is upsetting to you. You and I both know that it can not happen. We both know that this would destroy Rain and I believe you know the reasons why. So I'm here to ask you to help. To step up. To finally do something for your son. Something to show him that you've loved him all these years. That you never stopped loving him and wanting the best for him despite your silence. It is time for you to speak. To use your voice." Bun Ma took a breath before continuing, "I apologize if I am being rude. I know this is not really my place. But I can't stand by and watch this happen even though I am powerless to stop it. But you, you might be able to do something. So, I ask you, will you? Will you use your voice that has been hidden all these years?"

Bun Ma saw no change in Mai's pale face as she spoke. No recognition that her words had any impact on her. Bun Ma worried that her influence on Mai was less than she imagined. But she would not regret her words, even if she lost her job. It would have been worth it.

But Mai did not yell at her. Did not tell her to leave. Did not declare her fired.

Mai finally sat down, reaching out with a shaky hand, and sipped her coffee. She placed the cup back on its saucer and gestured for Bun Ma to sit across from her.

"I don't know if I can do it after all these years. I have not challenged my husband on anything in years. Years Bun Ma."

Bun Ma thought Mai looked younger than her age, a frightened child playing amongst much older children on the playground. She waited, unsure if she should try to boost Mai's confidence, argue her position, or quietly wait for Mai to think on her own.

"I can try Bun Ma. I want to try. Need to try. I'm just. Well, I'm just scared. So scared." Bun Ma reached out, taking Mai's much softer hand in her own.

"I know. I know you are scared. But so is Rain right now. We need to think of him. Keep our focus on him. Thinking of him will help you be brave. And I believe you can." Bun Ma felt Mai squeeze her hand to the point of discomfort. "And I must ask. Do you know why this is so important? More than just an unpleasant arranged marriage with a, well, to be honest, awful young lady. You do know, right? Because I believe that if you know, like I think you do, that you can use that knowledge to help you be brave and speak for him."

Bun Ma watched as Mai's downturned eyes filled with tears as she nodded.

"Yes, I know." Bun Ma waited for Mai to elaborate. She needed Mai to confirm the truth. Needed to know Mai's motivation was the same as hers.

"Know what, Khun Mai? What is it you know?"

Mai finally raised her head, looking at Bun Ma through her wet lashes, "I know he is, well, I know that Rain is gay. I know he's gay. I've known for a long time." Relief. Bun Ma felt relief course through her, the first of two weights lifting from her tired shoulders.

Pushing forward, Bun Ma asked, "And?"

Mai stood and walked to stand in front of the window, pushing aside the sheer curtain, looking out upon the garden. Bun Ma knew she was probably replaying the times she had looked out to find Rain in his favorite place.

"For years, I've watched Rain in the garden. Reading. Drawing. Listening to music. Daydreaming."

Bun Ma stood, placing a hand on Mai's shoulder, her gaze following Mai's down toward the ground.

"I know about Phayu too."

Notes:

I didn't post last weekend and I apologize for the wait. I was sick and the words wouldn't flow.

Next week, it starts getting ugly.