Lost In Her Smile

CHAPTER TEN: FAMILY

                                                        

BACK TO ALICE'S POV

As I pulled my luggage into the airport towards the departure hall, I felt a feeling of nostalgia. I have lived in Boston all my life and never really left except on holidays my parents were being extra generous and allowed us visit our relatives in other towns but not as far as London though. I checked through the things I needed for my flight, my boarding ticket and my passport. I could only afford the economic class and I was grateful I could even afford it. My life was a mess. It had always been a mess. My parents were average when it came to material wealth but we weren't happy and money was not the issue. As a child I remember seeing my parents argue all the time. They argued over everything. From who worked the hardest to who spent more money. Even who ate the most food. Sometimes they wouldn't talk for weeks and I was neglected. Their disagreement consumed them so much they even forgot I existed most times. My father was an architect while my mom was a nanny to a rich couple. The irony of it all was that my mom treated the daughter of her employee so well that sometimes I wished I was in her shoes. I was barely fed or clothed and most times I had to get to school on foot and my school was over two miles away. But I still loved my parents. I wished and prayed for them to love themselves again. When I saw other kids and their parents, I wanted that bond. But I ended up breaking them further apart. So further apart that they got a divorce. It was when I came out to them about being gay. I was 16 and I heard my classmate saying she came out to her parents and they were cool about it. They even celebrated it like it was her birthday. I had just found out that I was into girls than I was into boys. I felt like maybe this was the way my parents could accept me. I could still remember that day vividly. It was a wet April afternoon. It had stormed the whole night and morning. I came home from school half excited and half anxious. My dad was sitting in the living room in front of the TV with a cup of his favorite chamomile tea in his hand. To me that was a god sign because my dad only drank tea in the living room when he wasn't pissed or angry at something, which was rare. My mom was making dinner. The whole flat smelt of porridge. I walked in and greeted them both. My dad just grunted and my mom instructed me immediately to set the table. I dropped my school bag on an empty sofa and began to get the plates and cutlery ready. Dinner was served and we all sat down to have dinner. I had always seen people tell their parents stuff during dinner so I decided to break my own news too.

"Um, Dad, Mom...." I called

My dad didn't stop eating and my mom only looked up for a bit and returned to her food.

"I need to talk to you guys" I continued.

"Did you get suspended? You have been a nuisance, haven't you?... Picked up all your mother's bad character" My father said earning him a glare from my mom.

"No Dad, I didn't get suspended"

"Then what is it that is so important that I can't eat the food that I labored to put on this damn table Alice" My mom said getting impatient. I knew I had to say it then or I might never get the chance again. And this was my final chance at getting close to my family. As much as I wanted to do this, I was scared.

"I.... Umm.... I just wanted to tell you guys that I am gay" I said holding my breath. The silence that followed was deafening. My dad dropped the cutleries in his hand and my mom's hand was stuck midair with pottage dripping back into the plate.

"What did you just say?" My dad said, his face emotionless. I wasn't so brave this time but I had to repeat myself.

"I....am a lesbian"

I saw my father's face get red with anger. His hands shook so hard, I was scared he was going to hit me. He wanted to say something but the words wouldn't come out. He stood up with force knocking the plates on the table to the floor.

"I always knew you were going to be a disappointment. Don't you ever call me father in your life again. Today, you cease to be my daughter. You are sick and you need therapy. You need to be taken to an asylum because you are mad. Mad I say." My father fumed. At this point, the tears in my eyes began pouring. I couldn't speak. I didn't even know what to say. "You and your disgusting mother have always wanted to ruin me and you have succeeded. I can't stand you. you are a disgusting fag who loves pussy. Are you not ashamed of your bloody self?" he kept ranting while I cried nonstop. How could my father say all these things to me? He rained further abuses on me before storming off to his room, picked up his bag and was out of the door. I turned towards my mother who hadn't said a word. I was hoping she would comfort me but I saw the same look of disappointment in her eyes. I tried to reach for her hand but she pulled it away from my reach.

"Mom...." I said pleading and crying.

"Alice you ungrateful child, is this how you pay us back for everything we've done for you? I labored and toiled to put food on your table, pay your fees and clothe you and this is the thank you I get. I already have a fool for a husband and I prayed to God asking him for a normal child but once again he failed me"

"But mom, I am normal"

"No, you are not, you vile beast. I regret the day I conceived you" and with that she went into her room and locked the door. Their words pierced my heart like a double-edged sword. I cried till I passed out. That was the last day I saw my dad. My mom didn't speak to me for weeks and we were like two strangers living in one flat. Then one day we got divorce papers from my dad's lawyer and my mom was happy to sign it but I wasn't. I knew I was the cause of the divorce and it hurt. Few days later, my mom sent me off to an orphanage and sold the house. I didn't see her or hear from her again. I learnt she got married again and got kids. I still didn't hate them but I wasn't a big fan either.

The announcement of my flight getting delayed by an hour from the public-address system brought me back to reality. After I was searched and my bags were checked, I sat down at the lobby and opened the book I had brought along to read on the flight. It was a romance novel. I hadn't gone through the first chapter when I got bored. I passed the time by just looking at the people entering and leaving the airport. Families uniting and separating. Then I caught sight of that honey blonde hair, beautiful face and sharp curves. She turned immediately and our eyes met. Rachel had a luggage with her and she began walking straight to where I was sitting. We hadn't seen since that night and I didn't realize how much I missed her till I saw her. As she got closer, the urge to jump up and hug her increased but I didn't. I couldn't afford to be embarrassed again.

"Hey" she said as she got to where I was.

"Hey" I replied standing

"How have you been?"

"Fine, and you?"

"I've been better" she said.

"What are you doing here?" I asked

"My flight was delayed by an hour" she said. It wasn't possible except we had the same flight.

"Are you going to London?" I asked

"Yes, my company is opening a new branch"

I could have screamed. Rachel was going to be in London as well. This was too good to be true. Even if she didn't want to date me, we could hang out sometime.

"What are you doing here?" she asked

"I'm also going to London" I said.

"Really?"

"yeah"

"what a coincidence" she said smiling. She looked very cute today.

"Yeah"

"Rachel!!!!!" someone screamed across the lobby. It was the fat guy at her office the other day. Mike. Yes, that was what she called him.

"I've gotta go, I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, most definitely" I said as she smiled and began walking to where Mike stood waiting for her.

I will find you Rachel. I promise.

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With two more chapters to go, I proudly say we have come a long way and this journey has been lovely. Good night.