Lost In Her Smile

CHAPTER NINE: FORGETTING

                                                               

RACHEL'S POV

As I walked down that path that night, my heart was torn to shreds. The tears wouldn't stop falling from my eyes. I blindly ran through the grass in the darkness, sharp thorned shrubs tearing at the exposed flesh between my jeans and my vans. But I was numb to that kind of pain now. The pain I felt was stronger than any flesh wound could give. All I wanted to do was turn back and run to her arms and tell her yes, I will be your girlfriend. Seeing her in tears broke my heart. Even though we haven't been together for long, I knew my happiness lay in her hands. And I was running away from it. Why do I have to choose between my friends, work and my love life? It wasn't fair. I kept running till I reached the road. I pulled out my phone and called up a taxi. The road was deserted and cold. I sat on the sidewalk waiting for my taxi. He took longer to come but I didn't mind. The silence and dimly lit street were my companions in my state of mind. The cab pulled up and I entered grateful for the warmth. I was still crying by the time we got to my condo. I opened the door and ran straight to my bedroom. I flung myself on the bed and let my tears fall freely. I was devastated. I was in that position till I was lured to sleep by the warm hands of sadness. I woke up some hours later drenched in my own tears and sweat. I had a splitting headache. I felt so lonely. I needed to call Mike and apologize. I said some mean things and he deserved to be angry. He was the one that actually helped me keep my job until this moment. I picked up my phone. The time read 11pm. I dialed Mike's number three times and he didn't pick up. The fourth time it went to voice mail and I recorded.

"Hey Mike, I know I hurt you with my words and I'm sorry. I know you got the London job for us and I should have been appreciative. The thing is I was scared. I am scared. I don't want to be alone anymore and Al is the closest I have been to feeling loved again. During this short period of time, she has been so caring and sweet and I felt loved. But I also know I have a responsibility. And I owe you a lot so I will be going to London with you next week. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. I already feel bad as it is" I said as fresh tears began to drop from my eyes. I hit the send button. Immediately my phone began buzzing. It was Mike. I answered the call.

"Oh Mike, I'm so sorry" I cried into the phone.

"Need company?" He asked

"Yes please" I said.

"I will be right there" Mike said and ended the call. I didn't have any strength to leave my position so I just lay there. Mike had been to my house so many times in the past. He had a spare key and could let himself in. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my aching nerves and heart. Less than 30minutes later, I heard Mike park his car in the garage, then I heard some noises downstairs, then he came upstairs. I jumped into his arms and wept on his shoulder. He held me tight and rocked me like a child till I was sobbing silently. He didn't ask anything but I wanted to speak. I pulled myself upright to a sitting position.

"I ended things with Al"

"I know"

"It hurts"

"I know. Rachel, I'm sorry for the things I said at the office today. I meant it when I said you deserve to be happy. I want what's best for you and I watched suffer in the last relationship you were in. I don't want the same thing happening again. But if you think that she is the one that will make you happy, then I have no say in it"

"Thanks Mike, I really appreciate you looking out for me. You are right. It's too early to jump into another relationship" I said wiping my tears with the back of my palm.

"Ready for a drink?" Mike said pulling out a pack of alcoholic can drinks smiling.

"Hell yeah" I said and grabbed a can. After six cans each, we were both wasted and dancing crazily to the music Mike was playing on the sound system. Even though I was drunk, I missed her. I still felt the pain in my heart. A pain that alcohol could not numb.

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I woke up the next morning with a severe hangover. Mike had slept in the guest room and he wasn't looking pretty either this morning. I had my bath while Mike rushed home to get ready for work. I made a huge cup of coffee and drank it all to subside the headache I was feeling but it didn't work. I grabbed some aspirin tablets and also took them. They relieved the pain to a good extent and I was able to drive to the office. The files for the London project was still lying untouched on my desk. With heavy hands, I picked them up, opened and read through them. Planting my signatures where necessary, I went to submit them to Xavier.

"Good Morning Boss" I greeted.

"Morning Rachel, nice of you to be early today" He said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes and placed the file before him.

"I came to inform you that I will like to still be on the London project"

"Fantastic. It's good to see that you are coming around." He said smiling. I kept a straight face though.

"I presume your signature is on it" He continued

"Yes"

"then that's good. Get your stuff ready. Two weeks is only but a short period of time" he said. I nodded and left his office. I returned to my office and the feeling of sadness and emptiness returned. I wanted to call her, wanted to hear her voice, wanted to feel her touch. I was going crazy. But I was certain she wouldn't want to see me again after how I turned her down. I had been heartless and torn her sweet heart to shreds. But I can't handle a distance relationship. And that was why I had to stop things before it got out of hand. But it hurt. It hurt badly.

I wished for a miracle. I silently prayed to God to give me another chance with her. A chance I wouldn't screw up. 

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My shortest chapter so far. The end is really near though. Thanks for reading all these while. I really appreciate all the support so far. I love you all.