If I Knew it All Then

is it truly so unbearable?

Sixth year meant fewer classes, supposedly to give students more time to study, but it was shaping up to be a major inconvenience for you. Mostly because you still had a few hours of daylight left before you'd be able to sneak into the Restricted Section. You spent them frequently changing locations, and making up excuses every time you ran into somebody you knew.

There were a few close calls with Natsai and Sebastian, in particular, but you managed to avoid them for the most part. You swore they were going out of their way to hunt you down, and you confirmed it when you overheard Sebastian asking Garreth of all people if he had seen you around. They were friends, kind of, in a standoffish sort of way; but fifth-year Sebastian would've sooner bitten his own tongue in half than admit to Garreth that he was struggling with a girl, so you knew he was getting desperate.

When the time finally came, you knew what it took to get in and out safely. The Prefects were easy enough to evade with a simple Disillusionment Charm, and the librarian wasn't anywhere to be found.

You tried not to think about Sebastian as you slipped through the once-locked gate into the basement. You definitely didn't think about him when you distracted the ghost who wandered around there at night, or when you tiptoed across the precise spot you had once been found out by Peeves.

Back then, Sebastian unblinkingly took the fall for you, even without any details about the thing you hoped to find. You remembered thinking how worthy he was of your trust, especially if he'd do something of that magnitude for a stranger.

Of course, you hadn't remained strangers much longer than that.

You had gone and circled your way back around to strangers, though, to the point you were scouring bookshelves alone in an off-limits area you'd know nothing about if not for him. The sooner you found a book, the sooner you could get out of here. Hopefully then, no more memories would come to haunt you.

You found an interesting one tucked behind another book whose title you couldn't read, out of sight. Lesser Known Protections Against the Dark Arts. You flipped through a few pages, deciding it was worth a shot and better than leaving empty-handed.

You retraced your steps without incident all the way to your common room, glad to see it mostly empty save for a few night owls who preferred to study at this hour. Sebastian and Ominis weren't among them, which you were tired enough to dismiss as a bit of luck. It was far from a permanent solution, but you successfully evaded all your friends for one day's worth. Or so you thought.

You rounded the corner to your dormitory, and there, leaning against your door, was Sebastian, waiting to ambush you for however long it took.

You were caught completely off guard, so much so that you choked on a bit of spittle in the back of your throat. It was supposed to be impossible to sneak into the opposite dormitory after hours, but leave it to Sebastian to figure out a way around impossibility. Without thinking, you incriminated yourself by moving the book you took from the Restricted Section behind your back. Of course his eyes would follow it.

"Lesser Known Protections Against the Dark Arts. It's a good one." He couldn't have seen it for more than a few seconds. How did he—? "You know how much time I spent in the Restricted Section. I'd know any of its books by spine alone." He moved from the door, approaching you with slow, but confident strides. "The real question is, what's your business with it now?"

He was directly in front of you now, so close that you'd touch if you as much as swung your shoulders. Your whole body was atingle with nerves. You conveniently forgot what it felt like to be near him. Oh, the effect it had on you. "One can never have too many resources."