Never Let Go

Chapter 12

I wake the following morning to faint sunlight, my mind foggy and my body heavy. Nausea had cramped my stomach throughout the night, jolting me from sleep several times. Ethan had stayed awake through it all—helping me sit up whenever I was sick, changing the cool washcloth on my head, rubbing my back soothingly as I rode out the sickness. Judging from the sun shining through the curtains now, it's midmorning.

Mom and my sisters had never left my side, dozing in chairs beside our bed as they each took shifts. Now, though, they're all resting—Ethan and Mom in chairs beside our bed and my sisters on the couch in our sitting room. A small smile tugs at my lips as I look over at my husband, the exhaustion and stress on his face softened by sleep.

Whether the nausea was a byproduct of the trauma I'd endured or just my body pushing itself to its limit, I don't know. Gwen offered many times to help, but they declined her offer every time. She finally fell asleep in a chair in the sitting room, the same exhaustion on her face that was on Ethan's softened by sleep. I wish I could say that my sleep had been restful, but the truth was, it had been anything but.

That same nightmare had haunted my exhausted sleep, taunting me. I kept seeing Juliette's face, hearing her voice as she hurriedly brushed off my fears. The sickly sweet sound of Queen Adelaide's voice haunted me as she did the same, her words making me want to scream. "'Lauren, you suffered a great deal of trauma at the hands of that despicable prince and his family. But Fabian got there just in time to rescue you.'"

The latter's face replaced his sister's, the concern on his face a stark contrast to the usual disdain that had been present whenever he'd looked at me. His own words had replayed in my head until I practically had them memorized. "'They tried to save face, claiming they saved you from us. But we know the truth—we saved you from them."

I shake my head now, trying to erase those memories. No matter how often I hear those words, I know the truth. They did save me. I was dying in that castle, but no one—not even my dearest friend—had noticed.

The day I married Ethan was the happiest day of my life for multiple reasons—the most prominent being that I'd finally found someone who saw me for who I was, not just my former title. A very close second was that in marrying him, I was finally free of the invisible leash the king had kept on us. When we'd moved to Maliwen, I noticed the change in Mom instantly—her smiles became genuine again, and I saw the light come back to her eyes.

With me, it had taken more time for the change to take effect. Even now, my nightmares are still of my time there, the trauma I'd endured there. Yes, my smiles and laughter are genuine, but there were days when a single touch, word, or feeling could trigger a flashback—sometimes out of the blue. Some days, it was all I could to get out of bed.

As if he hears my thoughts, Ethan opens his eyes. When they focus on me, concern softens his features. "Morning. How are you?" His voice is barely a whisper, yet still heavy with sleep.

He gently kisses my forehead as he straightens in his chair. I take a breath before I respond, exhaling deeply. "Ok." Even as the word leaves my mouth, the nightmare resurfaces in my mind, anxiety and dread forming a pit in my stomach. It's not that I'm scared to tell him—I know that he'll understand.

No, what terrifies me is tearing that wound open wider. Because I know once it's open all the way, it can never be closed again. A tear drips down my cheek onto the bedspread, and I hurriedly swipe at my face. I'm not even sad—I feel numb. His warm, strong fingers touch my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his.

"What is it?" Those eyes—the ones that had captivated me from the moment we first saw each other—hold my gaze, unwavering and firm. In them, I see everything that made me fall in love with him in the first place: his kindness, warmth, and love for his family.