Back and Forth (A Castle Fanfiction)

Dreams and Nightmares

Before she could get to his room, she had to pass the bookcase. This too stopped her in her tracks, but for a different reason. Sitting on that bookshelf was that very first story she had ever read of his. It was the same book she had stashed away in the bottom of her pants drawer in the bedroom. She looked at the book, and instantly, one thought came to the forefront of her mind that she had been pushing away since the moment Rick proposed. It was the same thought she had when she first saw the baby on the ultrasound and perked up at the sight of him. It was a hallowing thought she couldn't fight back once it came to her. All she could think was, "Mom will never be here to see this."

This thought haunted her as she laid in bed, Rick cuddling her close while she just slightly wanted to escape. She couldn't rid herself of that thought, no matter how hard she tried. Once she was asleep, that thought only grew exponentially, warping into something far more vile. As she writhed, her mind brought to life her worst fears.

"What are you doing, Katie," a familiar voice asked in a haze.

She could do nothing more than question, "Mom?"

"What are you doing? You had your whole life ahead of you."

"Mom, where are you?"

"You had your whole life for this, and you couldn't even give me a year before you forgot me, before you disappointed me."

"Mom, please."

"No, Katie. You are a disgrace. You should be ashamed of how quickly you've abandoned me. You were supposed to find out who did this, but you've only disappointed me."

"Mom, please, let me explain!" The voice didn't answer. "Mom, please, where are you?! Mom!" Still no answer. Kate was alone. Absolutely alone.

"No, please," Kate mumbled in her sleep.

After receiving an unexpected jab to the ribcage, Rick woke to her in a heated mess. He called to her, "Kate, wake up. Come on, wake up. Kate." It took a short while, but eventually she came to. For a blasting moment, with a desperate breath, she woke up, rolling over onto her back as much as she could with the writer hovering over her. "It's alright, Kate. I'm right here. It's alright."

"What? What happened?"

"My guess is that you were having a nightmare."

She squinted her eyes and then looked at the clock. It was later than when she usually woke up from these, and generally it wasn't Rick who was waking her up, rather it typically happened the other way around. "I thought those were done with," she told him honestly.

He replied, "I guess they still had a few more kicks to get in."

"Yeah, I guess so," Kate half laughed. She couldn't remember what it was that she had dreamt about, but she knew it wasn't the typical nightmare that haunted her. This was different. Despite not remembering the dream, she did retain its message, and suddenly she found herself second guessing the marriage.

Then, she looked at the pictures on the nightstand behind Rick. Beside the photo of Alexis, Rick, and Kate at the zoo taken a few weeks back was the photo she'd thought was destroyed when she first moved into the loft after her father hit rock bottom. In it, she saw her mother watching her with great pride in her eyes as she held up her acceptance letter into Stanford's early acceptance program. Even as heart-broken as Kate now knew she had been that day, she was proud of her daughter for doing what was best for her and what made her happy. She had always supported her every decision, and her mother never once seemed disappointed in her so long as she was doing what felt right and what kept her on a straight path. She never would have ever been disappointed that she was moving forward. She would have been happy for her because it meant she was following her heart. That was all that mattered to her mother. She just wanted Kate to follow her heart, which told her this place with this man and his daughter was home. And given the fact that she was now engaged to him, she was glad that her mother had caught a glimpse of who he was because it made her feel like her mother had somehow played a role in giving her this life. There was no need to feel guilty. This was exactly what her mom would have wanted, and that meant more to Kate than anything. That was how she knew that this life with this man was one hundred percent perfect.