Loving The Knight's

In Your Dreams, Matey!!

The sound of kitchen utensils clanging wake me up so after climbing out of bed, I wrap my dressing gown round me and slide my slippers on. "Jordan?" I call out; sleepily. The closer I get to the kitchen, I hear him softly singing to himself. I stay standing behind the wall, quietly, listening to his voice. 'And I'll be your lover
(Your lover)
And I'll be your best friend
(Oh, I'll be your friend)
I'll be there when you're needing me
(When you need me)
I'll be your everything, your everything
I'll give you all that I have
My love, my life, and me, I'll be your everything
When you're lost and you're down, and you're seeing darkness
And there's no one there that can be found
Just turn around, I'll be there holding out my arms for you
Just reach for me, I'll be the one to set you free'
My eyes fill up with tears. I don't think I've ever heard him sing so beautifully and heartfelt. It's the exact same words that I would say to him if I could. I wipe my tears with my sleeve, take a deep breath and walk in. I'm faced with Jordan cooking at the stovetop. "Morning, J!" He spins round with a smile on his face and gestures for me to sit down at the little table. "I wanted to cook you some breakfast as part of my apology for yesterday." He explains himself. "Thank you, I appreciate it. So, what have you been cooking?" I try to stand up to see but he's too busy trying to get me to sit back down and be patient.
I lick my lips when he places the plate in front of me as it smells good. At least it's not burned like it would if I have done it.

"I still feel ashamed of myself for yesterday. I drove off to clear my head and when I got back home, you were gone but you still took the time to sort out my packing, why?" I glance up as I feel his eyes burning into me. "Why, what Jordan?" I take a mouthful of my eggs. "Why did you go?" I try to hide my surprise. "You told me to get out, so I respected your wishes and I left. Sophie called me, and invited me over to hers."

I can tell he's thinking. "I'm sorry." I hear him apologise. "It's happened, yeah I was upset. Actually I was hurt. My friend could tell by the tone in my voice and she invited me to hers. Then I went home. Thought I'd give you some space. Even though I was worried about you." I observe the sheepish look on his face. I'm trying to be an adult dealing with conflict but it's so difficult with it being Jordan. We've never had any conflict. It's always been fun and lighthearted with him. I really need, no want to clear the air with him because I hate this as I don't want to lose him too. I can't bare to lose him. It's been hard losing Jon but Jordan, he's so much more to me. If only he knew. I could feel my eyes moisten, I don't want him to see me upset so I quickly stand up and exit the kitchen. I run to the little bathroom. I sit down on the toilet and put my hands over my face as I sob quietly. "Filly?" I hear his voice softly through from the other side of the door. "Can I come in?" I can hear the door handle move. I quickly stand up and spin round so my back is facing the door where I know he is now standing. "I won't ever let myself treat you like I did, again. I know I've upset you and I'm truly, truly sorry." I take a deep breath. "I know Jordan. I can tell you're really upset and apologetic. It's not that." I feel him standing closer to me and he puts his hand on my shoulder, gently squeezing it. "What is it?" I catch him looking at me in the mirror. "I don't want to lose my friendship with you. I miss Jon. We're fighting. I hate it all." Unable to make eye contact with him, I lower my lids and focus on my breathing. "Oh Filly, you should have told me straight up. You're not going to lose me or our friendship, okay? Jon wouldn't want that now. You're stuck with me, girly!" By now he's placed both hands on my shoulders, causing me to look up into the mirror. I give him a little smile. "That's a shame. Poor little me, stuck with you." I say playfully causing him to pretend to be wounded by the heart. "Such an ass, Jordan." He spins me round so I'm face to face with him. "You love me really babe, like have you seen this face, this body, all the women idolise me!!" I burst out laughing. "In your dreams, matey boy." I hope I've convinced him that I don't idolise him myself and that I have seen both his face and body but I'm more interested in his heart than anything. Almost. He hugs me. "Let's finish breakfast and watch some telly before I have to go." I follow him back to the kitchen. We finish the breakfast even though it's now cold.
Before he leaves, he gives me a hug and tells me how happy he is that we sorted things out. Promises me he will phone me when he goes on tour in a few days time. He's going to spend tonight and tomorrow with his family.
Once he's gone, I laze around watching mine numbing rubbish on the television stuffing my face with junk food. Bored of the telly, I decide to go on YouTube and search for some interviews with the guys. Seeing Jon in them, brings happy yet sad tears. I wonder how the guys are going to manage touring without him, it's going to be such a massive adjustment for all of them, especially for Jordan. Whenever Jordan got emotional on stage or in interviews, Jon was always there to comfort him and although I'm worried about J, I'm sure that Donnie, Danny and Joe will look after him.

When they met fans, Jon was always happy to give hugs whereas Jordan isn't as comfortable, he has his boundaries and he will only give hugs when he did feel comfortable. I'm curious to see how this will go for him. Anyway, I trust in Jordan to do what he feels comfortable doing and that the guys will take him in their wings.