Against All Gods

Losses unimagined

So much has been lost. So much has been taken. So much has been forcefully ripped away. But footing is found. A sliver of light in the darkness. A spark of hope in the depths of depression.

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TIGGER WARNING read at your own risk:
Self-harm, confinement, implied physical abuse

All triggering "sections" will be marked like this: *ᓚᘏᗢ*

Stay safe <3

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Tohru didn't go to school the day after meeting with Master and Rin. Hana didn't make her, either, and made an excuse that Tohru's head hurt more than usual. Of course, ever understanding Miss Shiraki didn't ask any further questions, and sent Hana back with some make-up work for Tohru and her well-wishes.

Of course, well-wishes do nothing. Not for the real cause of Tohru's pain.

The source is not from her head injury, or the stab-wound in her arm that's left a nasty scar, or the worry of saving money and juggling school. It's from the lack of a light she'd come to depend on. It comes from the lack of people she cares for, and the news that they are completely out of reach.

Every single Sohma cursed, inside the Estate. Walking by the Clan's large neighborhood every day, the walls were starting to look more and more like a prison. She could only imagine how it felt from the inside. If she felt that it was impenetrable, who knows how they feel about it.

And then there was the cat room.

She'd never seen it before. She didn't know where it was or where to start looking. Kyo never told her about it. He hated talking about it. She didn't blame him, but now she wished she had pressed for details. In all her planning, she never imagined things could go this wrong.

And she didn't get to say goodbye.

The grief weighed her down. As bad as it when Kyoko died. Perhaps worse, on some days, because he was still alive, but so far out of reach. Because the wounds were fresh. After three years of healing, the sting of her mother's passing began to dull. But now the scars reopened, ones she thought closed for good long ago. The same ones that helped them heal were the reason they're bleeding now. And the Sohma head continues to throw salt by taking the rest of the Sohmas, by taking away her home, and the family she'd found.

Tohru only allowed herself one day off school and work after the visit, though. She with everything, she had to remain diligent and finish the school year. She had to graduate, and after that...

She had no idea. Not anymore.

But she could figure something out. She would have to. It's not like her life was ending, although late at night, when she stares up at the ceiling that is distinctly not Shigure's and goes to a breakfast that she did not make for her friends, she knows life as she knew it is coming to a very abrupt stop.

The Hanajimas remind her every morning and night that there is no rush to move out. They say she can stay until graduation, if she needs to. They assure her every. Damn. Day. And Tohru understands. They are very kind people, but they are still a house of five supporting a near stranger. It didn't stop Tohru from looking into apartments for herself.

In the hour between school and work that she always had on the train, she would look for places to live. The cheapest she could get without being in the slums, or basically living in a glorified box. She would stare at her phone that she rarely used for anything else and ponder what she would have to do to get her own place. But the effort felt empty with nobody to share it with. She used to look for the effort of getting Kyo out. For both of them to leave. But now, without him, her heart wasn't in it anymore. It was just another chore instead of the adventure it was before.