Never Again

The first time I cut I was 10 in 5th grade. I really didn't know what I was doing. Like everybody else when they first start. It's not something your born doing. It's a way to release what you can't say. I've never been one of those girls with a lot of girlfriends. Most of my friends are guys. so I'm used to playing rough. I can take the pain. but holding in my feelings bcuz I have no one i can confide in is hard. all of my emotions go away when the blade cuts into my tender skin. as I  watch the fresh bright vibrant blood run down my arm. the water fall of blood making that lake on my bathroom floor. I forget everything in those few moments. everything goes away. the crewl name. the yelling and screaming, the crying myself to sleep all of it just puff gone into thine air. so i do it again and again. for hours on. just to feel good again. to contain that feeling that everything will be okay. until you stop and everything comes back. all at once. Everything i worked for, back in an instant. It fills my mind, over flowing my ears. Hearing every little thing anybody has ever said to me that was mean. All back at once. I fall to the ground. Not realizing nor caring I'm  actually in a pool of my blood. Telling yourself "never again, never again."