Degrees Of Honor The Honor Series Book One

Chapter 26

Shaking my head, I dropped the boots I held in my hand and went to her. Reaching out I clutched her tight against my chest. "I'm not leaving you." I whispered as my head rested against hers. Tenderly my lips brush over her forehead. "God, Cassie, I couldn't even if I tried." Pulling back to look down at her, I need her to understand my position. "I asked your father to come to get you to safety. You can't be alone here while I do my job."

There's still hurt and confusion in her eyes. She doesn't understand what I have to do. She doesn't know what my orders are. Perhaps it's better this way. Perhaps it's better she doesn't know what I'm about to do, and the risk I'm taking. It's dangerous and I'm a dangerous man. I'm willing to risk my life to save hers.

She will try to stop me if she really understands what my intentions are. If she understood, I am going to hunt and kill Anthony Dean. Her baby's father. I have every intention of torturing that bastard for all the pain he caused Cassie. She can't understand it. I'm doing what is best for everyone.

"If you aren't leaving, then, what is this? I don't understand." A sob broke through her words as she gripped my t-shirt in her hands.

"Your father will be here soon to keep you safe." Trying not to go into any details, I avoid looking at her eyes.

"I'm safe with you! I don't need him! I need you, Travis." Cassie stopped me from walking away and stared up at me as what I'm about to do hit her.

Those baby blues narrowed on mine. Her lips part in disbelief of what she knows to be true. "No, you can't. Travis, he'll kill you in a heartbeat. Please, don't do this."

"Then it'll be an equal fight." I muttered as I took hold of her wrists and tugged her hands away to release her hold. "I have to do this, Cassie."

I wish she didn't understand as well as she does. I need her to just let me go do my job. Just so I can take care of this the only way I know how. "This is what I'm trained to do, Cassie. This is what Dean is trained for. Don't get in the way."

Her grip loosens, but instead of moving aside, she steps in front of the duffle bag to not let me pass. There is no way she is going to let me go after Dean alone. She knows all too well what the man is capable of. "I'm coming with you." Cassie stubbornly digs her heels in.

"Hell, no!" I bellowed, nudging her out of my way. "Cassie, he's done enough damage to you. I won't allow you to put yourself in danger again because of me. Do you understand that? I'm not doing this because your father ordered me to, not anymore. I'm not doing it because it's my job to protect you. I'm doing this because I..."

The words almost came out but I stopped myself. The timing is all wrong to admit how I feel. The anger in my voice, and the way my hands are trembling in fear of losing her are a clear indication of everything that could go wrong if she came with me.

In my panic to convince her to stay put, I almost told her words that should be said in peace. It's not fair to say them when there's a chance I wouldn't be coming back to her. I know my job and the risks I took taking this assignment. It isn't fair to tell Cassie I love her only to never come back to her. I can't give her my heart and then take it away. It's better to not give it at all.

"I'm doing this because I care about what happens to you and Jacob." I can give her that much. It isn't a lie but it's not the whole truth either.

By the hurt on her face, I know that I damaged what we had built. My heart sank knowing I might have ruined everything. Looking away from her, I stay focused on my anger. It masks my own fear of losing her.

"It's more than that." Cassie softly argues. Grabbing my arm, she searches my face for something, anything, to explain the wall that just slapped her in the face.

"Yes." I confirm what she knows. I can't deny how strong my feelings are for her. "We don't have time for this conversation. There's more I need to say to you but it has to wait until I get back." My hands cradle her face, bringing her lips to mine . "I'm coming back." I made a vow I don't know if I can keep. I shouldn't have done that but it's too late now. Suddenly the roar of an engine interrupts my thoughts. That's what I was waiting for. The van pulled up the drive, shining its headlights into the window of the room. "You're father's here."

"How?" Cassie frowned confused at first, but everything I said clicked. "He's been here all along?"

Knowing I deceived her, I can't look into her eyes. "When I phoned him, your father said he was already here. He and Doc Earl have been in communication. From what Mel said, Doc was my backup if I needed him. I didn't know until tonight. I'm sorry."

Cassie looked at the window and nodded. All I can do now is come clean with her and hope she understands. I didn't completely lie to her, I just left plenty out, it seemed. "Were you going to tell me about Doc Earl and Mel?"

"When the time was right. I just found out myself. Look, I don't want you to be alone, or afraid. I didn't want to lie and lose your trust, Cassie. I don't want to lose you. I hope you understand I had a job to do." I heard the knock on the front door and knew my time was up.

Zipping up my bag, I pulled it over my shoulder and headed to the stairs. "Your dad loves you. Don't push him away. Explain what happened to your father, Cassie. Tell him what you told me, at your own pace, and he will understand."

I hesitated as I searched for what I wanted to say. This could be my last chance to tell her anything. There's so much I want to say, but all of it has to wait. Without another word, I left Cassie standing at the top of the stairs and headed down the door alone.

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