Texting 44: Can't Have Shit In Paradis

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(F/N): I told you. No one's home

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Connie: Reiner's sniffing letters again

Reiner: You don't understand. Her handwriting is just that beautiful

(F/N): Okay buddy

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Jean: Im going to teach a course on how to get girls

(F/N): But you have no idea how to do that

(F/N): That would be like social media influencers' boxing

Jean: Yeah. That would be ridiculous

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Mikasa: I never thanked you for saving me all those years ago

Eren: And you'll never have to

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(F/N): SPECTACULAR, SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN!

Connie: SPECTACULAR, SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN!

Sasha: SPECTACULAR, SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN!

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Jean: Which one of the girls do you like the most?

Mikasa: Yeah, which?

Jean: WHOA! Where'd you come from!?

(F/N): Wow. Cause she's asian?

(F/N): wow Jean...wow

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Armin: You're dieting, right?

Armin: What can you eat now?

(F/N):... less

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Jean: Why do you always have to act so childish

Jean: We're in the military!

Jean: You need to act mature

Levi: nerd

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Historia: I'm over this queen stuff. Im exhausted

(F/N): heavy is the head that wears the crown

(F/N): or in Jean's case, heavy is his head

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Reiner: I'm a warrior!

Reiner: I mean solider!

Reiner: No, no, I mean warrior!

Reiner: And I hate Marley!

Reiner: Eldia*

Reiner: We have to save Eren!

Reiner: I mean kill Eren!

Reiner: Maybe Eren should kill me?

Reiner: No I have to kill Eren I think

(F/N): Can you stop switching up on us...

(F/N): FOR F I V E  M I N U T E S!

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Gabi: heads will roll

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Levi: I should have killed you back in shiganshina

Reiner: yes

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(F/N): Salutations, my dear friend.

Armin: What?

(F/N): How do you fare on this glorious day?

Armin: Why is your grammer correct? What's happening?

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(F/N): You know what sucks

Annie: You, hopefully

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Connie: Right, here, crash course on how to pull women

(F/N): You sure you're the expert I apparently need

Connie: Absolutely

Connie: Woman #1 Mikasa

Connie: Start a conversation by saying knee how

(F/N): What

Connie: knee how

(F/N): Am I supposed to ask how her knee is?

Connie: No you buffoon. Knee how is asian for hello

Connie: come on man

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Levi: You know what's hard?

Eren: Hmmm. What's that

Levi: Retaking Wall Maria. Shit was no joke

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Floch: Join the Jeagerists! 🔥🔥🗣🗣

(F/N): Get a haircut 💯💯

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Bertoldt: Armin done took my life my titan and my girl

Bertoldt: Can't have shit in Paradis

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