What About Us? - Book 1

Chapter Thirteen

The boiling water somewhat soothes me. The heat from the shower runs down my strained shoulders causing my stress, my pain to slowly fade.
I can't remember the last time I showered nor ate but now hot water and the idea of snacking seems fantastic right now.
I leave her rose scented bathroom in my jeans and t-shirt, my hair sticking to my already flustered face.
"Hey."
"Oh." My skin deepens to a raw red.
I throw the towel over my face, trying to hide the appearance of my fucked hair. Amelia laughs.
"You took ages."
"Yeah, well," I scrunch up my hair in one fistful, trying to form it into its usual quiff. "I needed it."
I sit at the table. She hands me a mug of tea and thank her gratefully.
"Do you want bacon?"
"No-I mean-yes obviously...but..."
I stand up and wander over the stove.
"I'll make it. It's the least I can do for you letting me stay."
"Oh," Amelia smiles bashfully up at me. "It's-no-it's fine, Dan."
"No, no, I insist. Now, sit." I order, giving her a playful push.
"Was it alright last night sleeping on the couch." She asks when she seats herself down.
"Yeah."
"I heard you walking around last night."
I turn as the bacon sizzles in the fuming pan.
I shrug; "I was just thinking-overthinking actually...about, well..."
I swallow as I look back at my cooking.
"Her."

* * *

The next following days I stayed with Amelia. It has been a week since I had last spoken to her, Mark or Glen. In fact It was so painful thinking about them again, I refused to even remember her name never mind say it.
It was great though staying here and starting new.
Yes, my items were still back at my old apartment and okay, maybe I was going a little too fast on moving on.
I had moved on with a girl I hardly knew and we were now becoming insanely close.
"Danny." Her smile presses against my bottom lip and I gasp unexpectedly.
"You gave me...a fright." I mumbled against her mouth causing her to laugh.
Okay...so we're more than insanely close.
"I have something to show you."
What? Oh come on, she's nice.
Nice? Just...nice?
She makes me happy. She takes the pain away and she doesn't expect me to bent over double for her.
You love her then?
"Dan, hurry up!" Shes tucking on my arm as I try to process the answer of the question.
Do I love her?
I think of her touch and I feel comfort. But love? Do I love this girl?
Or am I using her?
I eventually follow her to see that she has laid out candles across the room, the bed full of blankets and cushions.
"We could...watch a film?" She peers shyly up at me in uncertainty.
"Wow, this is beautiful, babes. Thank you." I wrap an arm around her waist, holding her securely into my side.
We're taking it slow...
You didn't answer the question.
Yeah because we're taking it slow!
Is that what you call it?
What? Look, we just started going out and I just got over someone: I can't exactly just jump into it, can I?
The relationship is clearly forced.
"So...you like?"
"I love it." I lean into kiss her.
You're pathetic.
"Are you okay?" She asks when I hesitate into the kiss.
"Hmm? Yeah I'm just...speechless."

We have watched film after film. Amelia's head is snuggled against my chest, legs tangled together. Her fingers lightly gripping my t-shirt.
I feel her heavy breath flutter against the flesh of my neck.
It feels wrong.
Very wrong.
It usually does nowadays.

It's getting darker and the darker it gets; the more clear the truth gets.
The darker it is the less I laugh, the less I convince myself this is the right way to go.
The darker it gets the more I miss her.
This results in staying up. I shuffle out from Amelia's grasp and I enter the kitchen. I make tea but let it go cold, I turn on the tv but don't focus, I make sandwiches but never eat them.
Sometimes I type paragraphs into the message bar to her. Sometimes I write songs and play the piano until 5AM.
Right now however I just pace back and fourth, my thoughts haunting me.
My phone flashes with a message but I ignore it.
I need to get over her.
I need to forget.
The phone goes again and this time I pick it up;
Mark.
Of course. He's heartbroken isn't he? She left him and now he's running back to me.
I chuck my phone to the side.
Fuck this, I'm moving on.
I storm back into the bedroom and nudge Amelia's shoulders to wake her. Her eyelashes flicker up at me, eyebrows scrunching up in confusion.
"Dan," she runs her forehead as she sits up. "Are you alrig-"
"Can we go for a walk?"
"What?" She shuffles around for her phone. "It's...12.45AM."
"Please."
She rolls her eyes and my heart twists as it reminds me of her.
"Fine," I sniff pathetically like a child. "I'll go on my own."

So I do.
I'm walking down the streets alone. It's dark and cold and I shake pathetically as I sit on a bench near Amelia's apartment.
I look down at my phone.
7 missed calls 5 texts from Mark.
9 missed calls from Glen.
What the fuck? What has she done now?!
As I call Mark though; I no longer feel angry nor emotional but panic seeps through my veins.
Something's bad happened.
"Danny, why the fuck didn't you answer our calls. We spent half the night trying to-"
"Mark shut the fuck up and tell me what's happened?"
I hear Mark and Glen mutter through the other side as I walk in circles trying to stop myself from snapping the phone in half. Mark eventually clears his throat.
"Dan...just come home and we will explain-"
"Tell me now Mark!" I shout through the phone. "I need to know, I know something's happened to Willow. Tell me you-"
"She...Dan, I really think you should-"
"Mark!"
His voice, trembles with emotion which is not like him. That's not like him at all.
"I don't know how to say this..."
I sigh.
"Just, just-"
"Willow...she attempted suicide."

.......
Dun
Dun
Dun

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Chloe