Altered

Chapter 15: Secrets

     Thanksgiving Day was hard. I felt like I was hungover from a night of drinking that I didn't have. I blamed the headache and dull ache in my bones on exhaustion and the way Greyson and I had slept for the two hours we were on the swing before the sun came up. By the end of the day, I was more than happy to be in my own bed, but for some reason, it still felt empty. Greyson, the voice in my head said coyly. "UGH" I said out loud into my pillow. I can't go there with him. He doesn't even let me hug him with both arms! There's no way. Don't even think like that, Indie. I was still hoping that if I told all of that to the voice in my head over and over that it would listen and I wouldn't feel the emptiness by my side where Greyson had been the night before.

I closed my eyes and began to think back on how it felt to be cuddled beside him on the swing, swaying to the rhythm of the music. Contentment. I was happy with him, that much I could admit. Whether we would just be friends or if it would eventually lead to something more, I would be okay with it. As long as he was there beside me, I was content. I was happy.

~ ~ ~

The Sunday morning of the Christmas concert at church, Jordan came into the building, half-smiled at me, and ducked into the sanctuary.

"That was weird," my mom said beside me in the foyer between the two entrance doors.

"Very..." I trailed off as I followed him into the sanctuary.

Before I could get through the doors of the large room, Katherine grabbed my arm and pulled me back out into the foyer.

"Bathroom. Now," she instructed flatly.

I followed her into the bathroom where I watched as she opened each stall to ensure that no one would be listening in on our conversation. She paced in the area between the stalls and the sinks for a moment before leaning against the counter with her back towards the mirror. As soon as she looked up at me, she deflated. Her shoulders sagged and I could see on her face that she hadn't slept the night before or maybe even longer.

"Kat?" I said, my throat scratchy with nerves. "Are you okay?"

"No," she dropped her head. "We broke up."

"Oh, Katherine...." I whispered as I strode towards her. "What happened?"

I listened as she explained that they weren't broken up for forever, just on a short break. She explained that about a week after the party at her house, she had found a large collection of porn on Jordan's phone.

"Between that and him yelling at me all the time, I just can't do it. I love him so much, Indie. I just can't compete with those fake girls he watches. It feels like he's cheated on me with someone that's not even real. Am I not good enough?"

"No, Kat. Don't say that." I tried to comfort her as her breathing became erratic.

"Why does he think that's okay?" Why am I not good enough? Why am I not enough? Would he rather be with someone like those other girls?" Katherine sunk slowly to the floor with her head between her hands and her knees to her chest as she sobbed.

"Katherine, you are enough. It has nothing to do with you," I tried to comfort her, but the truth was, I didn't know if it had anything to do with her or not. They had still been sleeping together, but he was an addict. I couldn't see straight through the rage that filled me at the thought of him hurting someone that he said he "loved". He knew it would hurt her. Katherine wasn't someone who would be okay with something like that. I sat on the floor beside her and waited for her breathing to slow from the panic attack as I slowed mine down enough to talk to her and get more of the story.