✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

Epilogue: Another New Start (3/3)

She looked at the clock in the corner of the screen, not quite believing it. And then at the wall clock, which said the same thing. She hadn't been writing the same message to her aunt for an hour, that would have been way too much effort. But when she sent a reply, she was always sent straight back to her message hub, a reminder of all the other things that she still needed to deal with. It was easy to keep telling herself "Just one more."

"I got carried away. Sorry, I didn't realise it had taken so long. You're going to suggest regression, aren't you?"

"Only if you want to. You know I'd rather be the baby, but you're the one who can't seem to get duty and responsibility out of your mind. Think you'll be able to switch off in a couple of minutes, or is this one of those stressful days where we could both use a break from thinking?" Tess listened to his words, and thought about it. She wanted to take a break and enjoy spending time with Spike. Whether that was two friends chilling, or treating him like a boyfriend even if she still hadn't plucked up the courage to say the word. But she was starting to realise that if she dragged herself away from her laptop now, it would be hard to get rid of guilt about all the things she should be doing.

"I think I'm doing fine. But you're probably right." It was hard for Tess to imagine the way she used to be; hating any hint that she wasn't capable. She still didn't have a strong desire to be treated like a child, but she loved the feeling of control being taken away by someone she really trusted. Since Gabby's punishment had ended at Christmas, Tess had found time for a childish evening two or three times each month, letting Gabby live out some of her maternal fantasies, or indulging her own love for the hypnotic suggestions. And getting over the feeling that she should be working was one thing that it was certainly useful for. "Okay, how's this? You can give me a nudge towards that headspace, as much as you think I need. I trust you. Then I'll finish this message, but if I'm younger than eight or nine I'll probably find it easier to step away when I'm ready. If you think I'm overdoing it to the point of damaging my health, you can force me. Do whatever you think I need, because I've realised you know better than I do. Or just demand that I come now if you want to do adult stuff. I promise, if you tell me rather than asking, I'll listen."

"This should help you relax," he said, stepping closer with something in his hand. "Or is that too much?"

Tess looked at the pacifier, inches from her face. He was holding it out tip first, so she couldn't see which one he had selected. She didn't know if a specific role, age, or mindset would come over her when she sucked on it; there were several now that had triggers for different effects, like presets to help find the place she wanted within her headspace. But she knew that if she let herself suck on it she would start to relax, and to be less concerned about any deadlines. She would also be unable to refuse whatever 'Daddy' told her to do, if her attempts at modifying her own conditioning had worked. That was something that really excited her, despite the contradiction with her normal desire to be in control. She wondered what Spike had in mind; what he would do if she kept working for ten or fifteen minutes and still didn't do any self-care. A part of her wanted to know, wanted to be pushed and feel truly helpless.

She opened her mouth, and he gently popped it between her lips. She could feel herself starting to smile right away, relaxing a little more. She turned back towards the screen, and mumbled "Five minutes?" past the silicone filling her mouth.

"I think you need to relax first. Did you not notice which dodi you're sucking on?"

Tess giggled at the weird word for a pacifier. It was something Spike heard from his Grandma years ago, and he'd gotten super embarrassed when he realised nobody else in the area used that word. But she tried to look at the thing in her mouth, wondering if it was something like the cat paci that made her forget how to read and write when she was sucking on it. When she was trying to do a letter that would be a really funny way to stop her. Mean too, but in a way she kind of liked. While she was laughing she tilted her head to one side so she could see the pacifier reflected in a black bit on the screen.

It wasn't the kitty. She was sucking a light blue paci with a little cartoon picture of a smiling raincloud on the back. She almost opened her mouth to tell Daddy he was naughty, but she didn't want to stop sucking. And Daddy always knew better than her. She looked down to check, so she would know what she missed. But she was right this time: she wasn't wearing a diaper. She was going potty in her big girl pants, and she could already see a big dark patch and a puddle growing on the floor around her chair.

"Daddy!" she gasped, and then one little part of her mind rebelled just slightly. "Spike! Naughty Daddy. I'm not wearing a diaper!"

"Ohh, is that why you've been so grumpy? You should have told me earlier. Come on and we'll get you changed. I got you dinosaurs for dinner too, they'll be ready soon."

Tess left a couple of soggy footprints on the nice fluffy carpet as she walked over to the door. But the automatic carpet cleaner was already heading in their direction, ready to make everything clean again. Tess didn't need to think about anything at all, except how much she was going to enjoy exploring the new nursery.

"Thank you!" She said as they came to the doorway, and she realised how small it made her feel. "I love you. Am I a good baby?"