✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

102. The Real Problem

"I wet myself!" Tess squeaked. She could have tried to calm down, taken a minute to build up the courage, and still been unable to say it. But letting herself blurt it out before her inhibitions could take notice seemed to have made all the difference. Now she felt like she was going to burst into tears, but she couldn't take the words back, and that was a good thing. If she could be in control of the situation, it would all be better.

"I... I told myself it was just a fluke, but... there were a couple of times, and I don't know if it's related. I think the first time was on the way to school. I chugged my coffee on the way out of the house but that shouldn't make so much difference, should it? It was only like ten minutes, I didn't think about it at all and then ten minutes later I suddenly needed to go so badly, I couldn't believe it. And there's other times as well, like this sudden desperation that comes out of nowhere. I don't know what..."

"Okay, calm down," the doctor said. Her voice was soothing like a warm hug, although she was still keeping a professional distance. Moments like this, when everything broke down, Tess wondered if being a kid again would be better after all. "That's not too unusual. But we need to be looking for a different set of possible causes. I guess you were too embarrassed to mention this to the nurse on your first visit? I can understand that, and I know it has to be hard for you. But if we're going to help you to get over this, we need to treat it like any other medical condition. Right?"

Tess nodded, and put those worries to the back of her mind. She didn't need the emotional strain as well, making it harder for her to address the actual problem. The doctor asked a few more questions, trying to get some impression of the situations in which Tess had an accident. About the time she'd wet herself in front of the boy she liked, and been lucky it was too dark for him to see. And the time she'd run off the bus desperate to find a bathroom. One time she'd wet herself in the kitchen as well, although she wasn't sure if that counted because she'd waited way too long before coming home. She told the doctor what had happened, and relived every moment of the shame. She didn't mention the regression experiences, of course. She was sure that couldn't be relevant, because her wetting on those days had a clear reason.

And it turned out there were more possible causes for her problem than she could ever have imagined. One of the most obvious was that she might have damaged her bladder (or her pelvic floor muscles) somehow. Another option was some infection causing the nerves in that area to be less effective at transmitting a signal. If the urge came on really quickly, it could be a sign that messages back to her brain werte being interrupted. This could explain bedwetting as well; which made it seem a lot more likely. She could guess for herself the odds against having two medical conditions that were so similar at around the same time.

Or it could have been a parasite. Those things could live in our stomach, sustaining themselves from your food, and you might never know they were there. But some of them could have indirect affects; missing with your body's chemical balance, or even twisting around so they could apply pressure directly on the bladder. Tess's impression that her need to go had come out of nowhere could have been true; the pressure was all an illusion, caused by some tiny snake squeezing on her bladder as it tried to find a comfortable place to sit. Both ideas were weird, and Tess didn't want to believe either of them. But then she also knew that there must be something wrong with her; a healthy girl didn't suddenly start losing bladder control at her age. And if there was anything that the doctors here could do to help her, listening to their suggestions was a logical first step.

"So what can I do about it?" It wasn't the first question that came to mind. She wanted to know how she could have gotten a parasite like that; or where they came from. But in this moment Tess forced herself to think only about productive things. Things that might help her to get back to normal, so the only childish parts of her behaviour would be to placate Gabby's obsession. Or – the thought still took her breath away – so Spike could be her Daddy. If he really understood the headspace thing, if he wanted to look after a little kid in the same way Gabby did, Tess knew that she would have no objections at all. Why did just putting him into the same fantasy snake it so appealing?