That Summer

Struggles

"Listen I wanted to tell you, I really did I promise princess, but after I left I decided it would be best for you guys to not have to worry about me, mostly you and so you could focus more on your academics, I promise it was for a good reason" was all he could manage to say after being gone half of my fucking life, would it really be the best for me, or would knowing my fucking father and having a decently healthy relationship with him be easier, but no the last resort is either fucking somebody or dying nowadays. "Look I think it's best if you go" I said lightly not wanting to tell him how I really feel, after all these years these emotions being brought out again.

Frustration, confusion, disgust, shocked and more in all one moment of time, fuck I didn't care what happened at this point, I just needed to feel better. I didn't believe he was actually going to come back and love me again, because I believe he never once truly did, "all parents have to love their kids" not my parents, I guess that's what you get for being the fucking oldest woo.

I slammed the door in his face and ran upstairs breaking into tears, mascara running everywhere, doen my cheeks, dripping onto my shirt, and down my nose. Why does this always happen to me I wonder to myself, why not anyone else, I'm always the fuck up of the family, if they want to see fuck up, I'm going to show them a REAL fuck up. If they wanted to make my life hell, well fuck I was already going to do that, I didn't know what was going to happen tonight, but I really didn't care. This is why I don't believe in love, not from my father, my mother, my sister, or even Kyle, I really thought we had something, but after that night I hardly saw him ever again.

To me being in love was like dying every day of your life and waking up exactly the same as the night before. What's the point in loving someone if they all end up leaving you in the end?

I started to think more about the decisions I was going to make and wondering if it was just out of pure anger in my father, not hearing him out but slamming the door on him, but he deserved in. Leaving me is one thing, but PRETENDING TO DIE? Pretending to be six feet under, that definitely doesn't sit right with me and it wouldn't to most people if they're right in the head, but fuck what was about to happen nothing bad was going to come out of my decisions so who gives a fuck, I say time to p a r t y.

I quickly dried my tears and touched up my mascara quickly, trying to make it look like I hadn't balled my eyes out for the past century. I messaged Noah on snapchat telling him to come over, and I really hope he knew what he was getting himself into when he walked me home, called me pretty, and asked me to hangout this weekend. Noah was just one of those guys that could stay in your head for hours upon hours, and never leave no matter how hard you tried I intended to do the same thing to him later, except this time he was going to be halfway inside of me with me moaning out his names and leaving love marks all over his body from his head to his toes.

After I was finished I heard the doorbell ring again, and this time I hoped my dad had gotten the hint and left me alone. I ran downstairs almost tripping over thin air and opened the door excitedly. "hey noah!" I said as I swung the door open. "hi princess" he said as he placed his hands on my waist and a kiss on my forehead. If he told me to get down on my knees and blow him off I probably would, the willpower he had against me drove me insane, the thought of him being able to make me do anything he wanted and him knowing that drove me crazy.

I took his hand and led him upstairs to my room as we passed by my mom and sisters room, having the house in utter silence was so calming, well other than me and Noah laughing and taunting eachother, but still. Once we got to my room I layed on my bed and started watching tiktok, figuring he was going to be doing his own thing, but instead he climbed right next to me in my bed and shoved his face into the crack of me neck. I let out a hiss as he shoved his face farther and farther into my boobs, enjoying seeing a reaction out of me. He eventually got to a point where his face couldn't go any deeper. His voice mumbled along my skin as he gave me a light hickey. "Shit" I managed to say while my voice got higher and higher.

He lightly chuckled and wrapped his arms and legs around my waist as he slowly started to fall asleep. I started to run my left hand through his hair while my other hand was scrolling on tiktok, just as I was about to tell Veronica what was happening a notification popped up at the top of my phone. It was from somebody I definitely wouldn't have expected, Chase.

Chase was a popular kid around school, he's been tryihg to fuck me for years, but I keep shutting him down, oh and he's a friend of Kyle's what a shocker. He's a total asshole, but a hot one. He plays baseball and basketball, the two hottest sports ever, but his personality is shitty and he tends to be a dick to people who won't give him head, and I guess that's the category I fall into.

I opened the snap hesitantly, but it was a picture of a wall? I didn't have streaks with him and NEVER talked to him so there was no reason for him to send that to me, but I could honestly care less. I left him on opened and got back to my scrolling.

Some time in the past five or so minutes Noah must have moved his hands near my thigh, because now he was inching closer and closer to my clit, fuck that was my weak spot. If he even got close to there I would be dripping wet, but I didn't want him to know that. I yanked Noah's hair thinking that would make him stop, but instead his hand traveled farther and farther up my leg, now he was around my kneecap. I started squealing trying to get our of his grasp, but instead he started holding on tighter, well shit that backfired I thought to myself.

Eventually after a few minutes of protesting I gave in, I wasn't going to say no to Noah, even though I've only known him for uh you know that doesn't matter, but he makes me feel like...Kyle did, but he didn't feel the same. Fuck Kyle, fuck love, I only want to fuck him, nothing more. I won't do anymore, it's just an urge I'll get over it. I'm not in love with this god sent to me from the heavens, he just has a good body that's all, yeah that's all he meant to me. I wasn't going to put my heart at risk again, getting hurt was so difficult for me, being popular, no, being a human sucks.