𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐎𝐑 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑, rickyl

painful memories

When the large gates swung open and the groups were reunited once more there was an abrupt stop to Rick's heartbeat. He stared in disbelief at the sight in front of him, trying to decipher if it was real or not. Had this person only been a twisted figure of his imagination playing tricks on him?

The wind blew gently, swinging the dark brown strands from in front of his bright blue orbs. For the first time in a long time, he felt a genuine ripple of happiness inside his broken heart. Rick hurried over to him and he did the same, meeting in the middle they locked arms with one another.

"You're alive," Rick said weakly, tears of joy flooding his bottom eyelid. It had been months since he was able to speak to him, and now for the first time in a long time, he was able to embrace the muck covered man. Daryl had returned safe and sound back to the group with only minor external injuries.

Rick couldn't tell if he was awake or dreaming of the day Daryl finally managed to escape. It all seemed too good to be true. But the way Daryl clung to him, tightly holding his arms around Rick's torso felt like enough proof.

They stayed in the position, with their arms wrapped firmly around one another's bodies for what felt like hours. Rick didn't want to let go, out of fear the redneck would fade away if he dared to do so. Daryl backed away forcing the other arms to leave his back.

There was a brief moment of peaceful silence between the two. The air between them was thick and tainted with the memory of their friend. Rick noticed that Daryl refused to look him in the eye, but instead concentrated heavily on the grassy ground beneath his feet.

Though he didn't come out and said it, Rick had an idea as to why he was acting this way, Glenn. Their long time friend died tragically the last night they were all together. From that point on, Daryl had been carrying the weight of his friend's death on his shoulders.

"Daryl, look at me," Rick ordered in a soft tone. The feeling of guilt consumed Daryl from the inside out, he didn't mean for his Glenn to die because of his stupid spur the moment decision. His watery baby blue eyes wearily trailed up to meet with Rick's, expecting to see a look of disappointment on his face.

There were so many words he wanted to say, but none would atone for the death of a friend. Daryl's blue orbs dropped back to the floor as tears began shamefully streaming down his cheeks. His brother always used to tell him that only pussies let their feeling show, real men sucked it up.

Though he tried not to let the overwhelming feeling out into the open, he couldn't suppress them any longer. Rick took a glance around, seeing all the people crowded around the entrance of the gate. Figuring no one would notice if two people disappeared for a few moments he grabbed ahold of Daryl's wrist and led him away from the group.

Once Rick made sure they were out of earshot from the others he let go of Daryl's wrist. Now that the sun was beaming down on them, Rick could see the trails of water the tears left behind on Daryl's face.

"I got 'em killed," Daryl spoke up, sadness lacing his words as he struggled to speak. He believe that he was the sole reason that Glenn wasn't still alive. "Glenn's dead because of me, his death is on my hands." He said with tears reemerging at the painful memory of his friend's death.

"Daryl, it's not your fault," Rick said, trying to provide some type of comfort. Even knowing that there was nothing that could have been done to prevent his death, Daryl carried the blame with him.

"Like hell it ain't, if I hadn't... then he would've still been with us." The pain lingering in his voice was notable. Rick knew there was nothing he could say to make him believe otherwise.

"Daryl..." He uttered.

"They don't wanna say it, but they're all thinkin' it, I got him killed, my actions... it's all my fault." Seeing that words weren't helping the situation, Rick knew he had to do something to get Daryl's mind off death.

"Daryl..." Rick said again, trying to catch the redneck's attention.

"I should have been the one, not him." He raised his voice. That was the final straw for Rick, his hand swiftly made its way under Daryl's jawline and cupped his cheek in the palm of his hand. Without giving Daryl a chance to react he closed the gap between their lips.

The kiss was short and sweet, with just a little peck on the lips to shut him up for a moment. Rick pulled back seeing the surprised expression on Daryl's face. The corners of his lips lifted slightly once he noticed his plan had worked. The kiss had calmed his thoughts and shut him up for a few seconds.

"It is not your fault, ya hear? None of this is your fault." Rick insisted, making sure to look Daryl in the eyes as he spoke. Though he wanted to break Rick's gaze he just couldn't. He needed to hear those words, he needed to realize that not all the blame fell on him. And Rick was the person he needed to hear them from.

Daryl lunged forwards, taking Rick by surprise as he wrapped his arms tightly around his neck. Rick gladly accepted him into his embrace, wrapping his arms around the other's torso. It wasn't often that Daryl show this sensitive side to other people, but it was nice to know that he could let his guard down around Rick.

And the sheriff didn't seem to mind this side of Daryl, actually he liked it when Daryl was able to open up. Though he wanted to put out a tough exterior, Rick knew it was all just an act, on the inside he was a giant teddy bear.

"Shh it's alright, listen we all miss Glenn, but we're gonna have to honor his memories and move on," Rick said as he made small circles on Daryl's back. There was a sharp pain in the redneck's chest, Rick always seemed to know exactly what to say in every situation. Rick never shamed him for being sensitive about people's death.

Beths, Shanes, Glenns... and Merles. Through it all Rick had always been there for him. He never said it was wrong for a man to have emotions, instead, he provided a pleasant atmosphere where he could let everything that was bothering him out in the open.

Daryl backed up slightly, releasing the tight grasp he had around Rick's neck. The shimmering of the tears made his eyes shine a light shade of ocean blue. Daryl pulled him back in, this time making sure their lips met once more. Their lips locked as the kiss drowned out all the painful memories.

The feeling of Rick's lips on his gave him a second of momentary peace. No longer bringing up painful memories from the past, but instead making him focus solely on the present moment. Desperately he kept the kiss going, not ever wanting to let go.