Strange (Rosé x fem reader)

Chapter 10:Rosanno

"What ummm..." she tugged on the sleeves of the large sweater she was wearing like it wasn't baggy enough, "...made you change your mind?"

As much as I hated to do this, I needed to do it for my peace of mind, "I didn't."

I wish I would've taken the processors off so that I wouldn't hear the gasp that escaped her mouth followed by a soft 'oh'. The rim of her eyes was starting to look like they hurt, becoming a bright pink and I knew she was trying her hardest to hold everything back. I couldn't feel bad though, I had to convince myself that it was right so I went back to thinking bitterly. Why is she crying now? She didn't care when I cried on the bed we made love in.

Ugh too bitter and so not me.

I remembered the talk I had with my brother and the bitterness was swept away by his words. I didn't want to be her girlfriend anymore, at least for now I don't but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to start over because he's right; if she was really about it— about us she would try and show it which what she's doing now and since the day she startled me as I tried to journey my way up the stairs on my own. It also applied to me, I wanted to fight and salvage what we have left.

Plus we spent too much time away, maybe more distance isn't the safest option because I'd lose her 100%, I didn't want to lose her.

"Let's start over Roseanne because I don't want you to leave, I still love you so much but you have to understand that I have to protect my heart." She nodded sniffing with the tip of her nose matching the rims of her dismal eyes. "You've hurt me and I'm afraid you'll run again, leave. I want to expect it rather than act surprised if it happens again." She nodded again.

She passed saliva, the gulp noticeably traveling down her neck as she grabbed my hands, caressing the top with her soft thumb. "What do you want life to be like when you're older? When your kids are grown and you are retired with nothing else to do with your significant other." I was confused by the sudden question, wanting to know where this was going I answered.

It was a question I thought about a lot throughout the years; who doesn't? Wanting to spend the dream life with my significant other laying in bed all day, having time to love each other every day with no work interruptions while enjoying a nice view of the beach in my parent's home city on an island where it only takes 1 day to go across the land exploring the culture and the life of those who make the place happy and colorful. I want to eat seafood so fresh that I see them fish it out as I'm eating, I want to worry about sand in between my toes and having to clean it from the floors of my home constantly. I want more than just the sun kissing me in the mornings or the water splashing my face to cool me down. Oh, and bonfires in the nights, holding each other with one blanket connecting us. It sounds like a lot but it's what I want and I want to make it possible, even if I do it alone.

A pet would be nice, to keep us company; preferably a cat although a small dog wouldn't hurt. Both would be even better.

I want it to feel like a honeymoon every day until the day I can longer love from my beating heart-stopping, but even then I feel like I would continue to love them no matter what.

"Do you want to travel?" Roseanne's voice was soft, weak, and unreadable because I don't know why she was asking all of this.

"Oh yes of course! I've only ever been to my home country and Mexico. My parents wanted to visit Mazatlan for the fresh seafood, that's where my love for seafood started but nothing tastes the same here no matter how well you season it or cook it. It's a nice place but I don't see myself living there. I'm going more for the Caribbean experience, the kind people, colorful, filled with love and culture." Traveling was also my dream but I cut it down and it became just a dream. I wanted to travel and taste the authentic flavors that people brought but it didn't help that I only knew sign. Knowing English is one thing and helpful since it's known by many across the world but sign... it wouldn't get me too far. Not only that but my restaurant became a full-time job and most of the costs went to supplies, checks, my own home, bills, groceries, etc. I lived a comfortable life though, so I couldn't really complain.