invisible string ↝ ao'nung

XI ; I Guess

Sylwana ignored Ao'nung when she arrived at the Spirit Tree, its beauty unchanged since her last visit. The zooplankton bobbed about the water, and the tendrils of the Tree swayed gently in the soft current, glowing where the sun could not reach. Sylwana reached behind her, for her kuru, bringing it up in front of her. She braced herself; she was not sure which memory she would visit, but it was certain to be painful. She made tsaheylu with the Tree.

Her eyes closed on instinct, and she opened them when she felt wind in her hair. She was flying on Na'ru, the Omatikaya forest below her. A laugh rang through the air, bright and gleeful, and she knew immediately it was Neteyam. He broke through the clouds, Oryxn flying loops around her. He looked younger, and Sylwana struggled to place exactly what age. "Come on, Sylwa!" he shouted, when she began to fall behind in thought. She caught up to him easily, and she was surprised when she noticed he had no riding gear. Her hand went up to her visor, only to find she did not have one, either. Then she realised, this was the day the twins claimed their ikran, Na'ru and Oryxn. The day they found-

"Look!" Neteyam pointed at a small, empty island. On it sat a single tree, its branches swaying gently in the light breeze. Vines hung from the top of said tree, and though she could not see them, Sylwana knew prolemuris were chittering away in its branches. The ground was covered with grass, and a large rock sat surrounded with smaller stones. Neteyam landed, not as smoothly as he did only a few weeks prior, and clumsily lept to the ground. Sylwana dismounted with more grace.
"This is nice," Neteyam commented, taking a seat by the tree. Sylwana remembered how they had flown for hours after taming Na'ru and Oryxn. By the time they found their island, they were exhausted. She took a seat next to him, and the action was almost as natural as breathing. "Why haven't I seen you for a while?" Neteyam suddenly asked, catching Sylwana off guard. She thought about her next words carefully, after all, Neteyam did not know he died, and she was not going to be the one to inform him.

"Tsakarem training," she replied, brushing his question off as casually as she could manage. Being with him again, on their island with their ikran, was making those tears threaten to reappear. "That's not it," he said. "You haven't visited me."
Her heart dropped; he couldn't know, could he? "What do you mean?" she asked nervously. "You and Lo'ak haven't visited me. Mother and father did. So did Kiri and Tuk." There was a silence as Sylwana took this in. He knows. He knows that he's dead.

"You know," she whispered, like she was scared that if she uttered those words any louder, Neteyam would become unstable and she'd be thrown out of the memory. "I know," he nodded, and then he smiled. "I felt it. This emptiness that I had never had before. It took me a little while to figure it out. But it could only mean one thing. We were separated by death." Sylwana was frozen; she had heard what could happen to Na'vi who realised they were dead and became unstable, and nobody could visit them until they came to terms with it. Which could take aeons, depending on the person. Though Neteyam seemed alright, so she relaxed.
"I'm sorry," she blurted out. "I promised to protect you, and I failed. I'm so sorry, Teyam."
Neteyam shook his head. "No, you did not fail. There was nothing you could do. You protected Kiri, Lo'ak, and Tuk. And you saved Spider. You did everything you could possibly do." The mention of Spider removed any sadness and regret and her veins filled instead with resentment. Neteyam noticed this immediately. "You hold a resentment for Spider," he observed. "No," Sylwana objected. "I just do not like..." She didn't want to tell him how their father had essentially tried to replace Neteyam with Spider. Calling him 'son', making them eat breakfast in his human base as a 'family'. It made Sylwana sick and only built up hatred for Spider.

"It is okay," said Neteyam carefully. "Spider is family now. He came with Kiri and Tuk when they visited me. Tuk told me he was sorry, and he blamed himself for what happened. I told her to tell him that I do not blame him, and my death was simply what the Great Mother had planned." Sylwana scoffed. He was trying to be the bigger person. He always had done. She was tired of it. "I do not care if he is sorry," she snapped. "Dad is trying so hard to make Spider our brother. He never was, and he never will be!" She suddenly felt a strange sensation, like she was being pulled away by the point behind her navel, when she snapped back into place. "Steady," Neteyam murmured. "Or you will be pulled out." She took several deep breaths, grounding herself in the memory. She felt the grass beneath her hands, the tree bark against her back. Neteyam beside her.

"Listen to me," Neteyam started, and Sylwana groaned. It was one of his lectures. "Listen," he repeated, though he smiled at her antics. "We are one soul, we know that for certain now. And we have been severed. And we both feel that void, that emptiness. But you have to go on, live a good life. You are the eldest now, and the others will look up to you, especially Tuk. You have to be strong for them, as you always have been. You can be happy."
"Without you?" Sylwana didn't buy it for a second. She had not felt happiness since Neteyam left her alone in this world.
"Yes. Without me. But there will always be a part of me there, with you." He brought her in close, protectively encasing her in his arms. They stayed there, for how long Sylwana did not know. But eventually, Neteyam pulled away. "You have to go now. Ao'nung is still waiting for you." She felt slightly guilty that he had wasted his entire day waiting for her. She said goodbye and closed her eyes. When she opened them, she was stuck. She could not move her limbs. She began to panic, her mouth opening and taking a deep breath on instinct. Ao'nung hurried down to her, disconnecting her braid and dragging her up to the surface.

She gasped for air, her breathing jagged and her lungs still full of water. "Are you alright?" Ao'nung asked in a panic. "Land," she managed to get out, and Ao'nung brought her to a small cove not far from the Tree. He patted her back as she threw up the remaining water and sat there panting. When she recovered, she felt slightly embarrassed. "Are you alright?" Ao'nung asked her again. "Yeah," she mumbled, staring at her hands. He looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn't. "Thank you," Sylwana spoke suddenly. Ao'nung looked at her quizzically. "For what?"
"For..." She fought the blush rising to her cheeks. "For being there with me." Ao'nung swallowed and looked away. "Um... No problem," he muttered. "No, really," Sylwana sat up and turned so that her entire body was facing him. "Thank you. I wouldn't have been able to go back to Kiri and Tuk if you hadn't been there." There was this confidence, this stability about her now, coursing through her veins and making her heart pump faster. Ao'nung was staring at her, his eyes a little dazed. He cleared his throat. "Anything for you," he whispered. In a split second decision, she kissed him, and in an instant the pain she felt washed away. She felt rejuvenated, like she'd been born again, when he kissed her back. She could taste the saltiness of the water on his lips, and they were warm and inviting, and his hand gently caressed her cheek. He pulled away, and she whined, chasing after him. "No," he whispered, making her heart break and all that pain return tenfold. "What?"
"You're hurting," he said, his eyes wide and sad. His thumb rubbed along her cheekbone. "I want this, truly, I do, so badly," he assured, "but you are not in the right place. I mean, neither am I. We need to heal." Sylwana coughed, feeling broken and embarrassed. "Okay," she accepted, wanting nothing more than to run home and hide her face. "Sylwana." Ao'nung held her face in both of his hands now, forcing her to make eye contact with him. "I know you feel like I can help you. And I can, just not in that way. Not yet. I will do whatever it takes for you to heal. I just want you to love me because you love me, not because I make the pain go away for a little while." She nodded. "I'm sorry," she said. Ao'nung laughed, and pulled her into an embrace. "Do not apologise. I waited for that moment for a long time. And I will wait longer, so that we can be together properly." He kissed her temple. "Now, are you ready to head back?"

Ao'nung walked Sylwana to her marui, smiling down at her. "Thanks again for today," she said, for what felt like the hundredth time. "Thank you," Ao'nung grinned, making her blush. "I will see you later tonight." And he left.
"Sylwana te Suli Neytiri'ite." She froze. Her father did not sound pleased.