Not So Secret

Thirty-Two

Trigger Warning: Mentions of rape

[Flashback]

     Nicki threw the cold water against her face repeatedly before taking a deep breath, looking into the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and excessive crying. She stared at herself for a few seconds before closing her eyes at tears fell again. She backed away from the sink and sat on the floor, pulling her knees to her chest as she sobbed softly.

"Onika, come on! We're gonna be late!" Olivia yelled from the other side of the door.

Nicki cried a little harder, digging her nails into the skin of legs. The door opened and Olivia stepped inside.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Why aren't you dressed yet?" She asked, her voice filled with frustration.

Nicki turned her head towards her sister, feeling her chest tighten even more. Olivia stood there fully dressed with a full face of makeup and her hair straightened. Her backpack was hanging from one shoulder and her keys dangled in her left hand.

"Cookie, what's wrong?" Olivia frowned, seeing Nicki's face.

"I can't go to school today," she mumbled through her tears.

Olivia's face held confusion as she stared at her younger sister. "Why not?"

"S-Something bad happened this weekend," Nicki spoke hesitantly, her voice shaking.

She began crying again, making Olivia's frown deepen.

"What, did you get into a fight or something? Is that why you came home all red and scratched up Friday night?" She asked. "Look, a fight isn't even a big deal, okay? Suck it up and get dressed or I'm leaving without you. God, you're so dramatic."

Olivia walked off, closing the door. Nicki hugged herself tighter, staring at the floor as her body trembled involuntarily.

"Is she still in the bathroom?" She heard her dad's voice in the hallway.

"Yeah. She's crying about some fight she got into, and she isn't even dressed," Olivia responded.

She heard her father sigh. "You can leave without her. No reason for you to be late because of her. I love you. Have a good day at school, baby girl."

"Okay, I love you too, Daddy. Byeee."

She heard her sister go down the stairs before the bathroom door opened and her father stood in the doorway. "Crying over a fight doesn't mean you get to skip school. I didn't raise a delinquent. Get up and get dressed."

"I didn't get into a fight!" She cried.

"Well, I don't care what you're crying about, Onika. You're going to school and that's final. You have 20 minutes to get yourself together," he told her.

He shut the door and walked off. Nicki sank deeper into the floor, sobbing loudly as she gripped her hair, pulling on it. Feeling her dinner from the previous night coming back up, she scrambled over to the toilet and let everything out as she shook uncontrollably. She sobbed into the toilet for a moment before standing to her feet, walking towards the door. Opening it, she walked out and went to her parents bedroom, seeing her dad fixing his tie. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him, crying into his chest. Nicki hated everything about her father. She hated how horribly he treated her. She hated the fact that he loved Olivia more than he loved her. She hated that he never put any effort into building a bond with her. She hated him, but in that moment, she needed her father.

"Malachi and Chris raped me," she whispered.

Her father's body went stiff as she held onto him. She waited for him to say something and longed for him to wrap his arms around her but it never came.