Hurt [제크훈] ᴇɴ-

17. Counting Days

It had been days since Jake got into the hospital. And every second he was there, he found himself sitting beside that window. Scanning through the vast view of the city day and night gave him the relaxation he longed.

Jake longed to be free. The feeling of being contained is the worst. It felt like he was an abnormal person.

Gradually getting conscious, Jake found himself situated on the soft mattress. But it was just the day before he talked to Heeseung. Broken as he cried helplessly on the ground.

Did I faint again?

"How are you doing?"

The voice gained Jake's attention. With confusion, Jake scanned his surroundings. At last, his eyes landed on Jay. The latter had a small grin on his face.

"You're finally awake. Thank God."

The latter released a relieved sigh. Jay peered at Jake and slowly came up to him. His eyes filled with concern.

"Jay? What are you doing here?"

Curiousity filled his mind. Numerous things came up to his mind. It's like everything passed by in a fast pace. With things he encountered and those he didn't. It's rather tiring.

"Heeseung needs to take a bath. Same with Eunbyeol and Sunoo. So I'm here to take care of you."

"How about Jungwon?"

"He's still in school. Maybe he'll come out soon."

"Oh. Aren't you supposed to be at work today?"

"You're more important. Plus, I had told them that I'm occupied today."

Jake clutched his had tightly on the duvet. The feeling of guilt building up once again. The fact that people sacrificed their time for made him felt useless.

Again, I'm a nuisance.

"It's been seven days you fell unconscious. We all are concerned."

What?

The information put Jake into shocked. Furthermore, he felt extremely terrible. Both of his feet weren't responding that much. Trying to lift his leg, he realised it wasn't moving with little force like it usually did.

"Jake... I don't want to interfere with you life. But since you married Sunghoon, your condition keep getting worse and worse as the time passes. My best advice for you is leave him behind. It doesn't worth anything."

"I can't Jay. I tried but I just can't."

It can be seen on Jay's expression. He wasn't pleased with the reply. As if he gave up, he just stayed silent. Not wanting to put more pressure, he just stood up.

"You can go out today. You're not that critical anymore. Siho and your mom will come soon. I'll fetch Jungwon from school."

Jake inclined his head. And when Jay almost out of his sight, he stopped right in front of the door frame.

"Don't do something stupid yeah."

But without waiting the younger response, Jay left after closing the door.

The moment he was all by himself, he thought of the words uttered. Maybe Jay was right after all.

Maybe it's actually the time to let Sunghoon go. He'd be lying if none of those actions made by Sunghoon scarred him. It felt like he's suffocating and unworthy.

"I really hope I can live with him. If God allows me, I would stay. But this isn't it.

As if there's someone listening to his words, he let it all out

"I'm dumb. I thought it was a good decision but instead look at me right now. Not just that, I put everyone in a tight situation. Everyone is suffocating. Everyone is concerned about me . Mom and Dad must feel bad looking at their son like this."

At his own words, Jake let his griefs out by crying it out. Because Jake can lie to anyone but not himself. Even with how much he pretended to be fine. But he knew himself exactly.

The query Jake kept asking himself was answered by himself. He knew he was dumb and he acknowledged it.

"Everyone kept saying the same thing. And this time I'll take their advice. To let Sunghoon go. How much I want to grasp on him, he would always slipped away."

"If that makes you happy, then we all going to be feeling the exact," Mrs. Shim said in soft-angelic voice.

"Mom! Siho! James!"

They invited themselves into the ward. Jake plastered a beaming smile. As always, they're glad to see that grin never faded away. It's a relieved.

Walking toward Jake, they affectionately hugged the latter. Only his own family capable of giving this sincere and warmth. The longer they stayed like that making Jake feel more emotional.

It hurt to see them being worried all the time. It was like their life only revolved on him. And it was the worst feeling he'd ever felt.

But after the hugs, Mrs. Shim let out her cry. The tears glistened on her red checks. Siho and James just tried their best to conceal their feeling. The griefs accumulating in their heart.

"Jake, the result had came out. They did the test and..."

Jake put his attention on his cousin. With anticipation, he waited.

"And?"

"Jake... We couldn't find any suitable donor and your heart is getting worse and worse everyday," Mrs. Shim couldn't finish it up until the last sentence. Her tears overflowing on her cheeks.

"You don't have much time...," James finished it.

"No! Jay said I can go back home today! Y'all are lying! Why are you all lying?!"

Jay lied. He was well aware of the situation. But he didn't want to tell Jake yet. Not until his own parents said it to him.

It hurt them so much. But they couldn't revert it.