Bungou Stray Dogs ~ One-shots

[Chuuya xR] A choice without regrets (1/3)

But he had managed to get a few moments in the young woman's office, just him and her, without running away, and had finally managed to say what was on his mind. Kiyoko, however, had not seemed to be surprised in the least when he had confessed his love to her.

She had already guessed. Which made him feel extremely stupid, by the way. All this time, had he made a fool of himself by acting like a lovesick teenager to Kiyoko? Had she noticed his persistent looks, his blushing, and his lack of composure when he was near her? She, who was so composed and self-controlled?

He had felt like the most stupid of fools, for a moment. Before, by some miracle, two battle-scarred, but no less gentle, hands came to rest on either side of his face, forcing his eyes to look ahead again. He did not even remember looking away.

Kiyoko's fingers were almost icy against his burning cheeks. But the coolness allowed him to regain his senses, or at least slightly. He was almost lost in the smile of the young woman, whose face was dangerously close to his.

If he concentrated enough to see the crimson color on her cheeks split by a soft smile, he could realize that she was also blushing. Although this characteristic was almost impossible to see with the naked eye. And then, he could not believe it.

Kiyoko who had such an emotion, she who was never embarrassed or uncomfortable? It was hard to accept, even if the idea filled him with pride.

"I love you too, Chuuya."

And, at that moment, he felt a real cacophony erupting inside him, strangely accompanied by an Olympian calm like he had never experienced before. The butterflies were more numerous than ever, and yet he felt light enough to float on a cloud of happiness if he had wanted to. Which he was doing now, in fact.

He had never felt as happy as he had when Kiyoko had said those few words. For a moment, he had forgotten everything else, especially the bad memories.

Afterwards, when he had been by the side of the young woman, who had quickly become his girlfriend, after this precipitous and almost desperate declaration, this authentic happiness had allowed him to overcome many obstacles. When he saw her, even from a distance, when she waved or smiled at him, he felt like the happiest man on earth. And this feeling of absolute tranquility was even more reinforced when he remembered that she loved him too.

This human doormat of Dazai was constantly annoying him, it was undeniable. But, for the first time, the walking bandage had served a purpose. Chuuya would never admit that it was thanks to him that he could meet Kiyoko, of course. He, being grateful to this first-class asshole?

Not in this life, nor in any other. Not even in his wildest dreams.

Or maybe in a nightmare, after all. That was already much more believable.

Everything could not stay totally rosy for all that, he knew it very well, even if he did everything to make sure that this kind of thing never happened. A few years after the beginning of their passionate love story, he had been devastated to learn some news. He was going to have a mission abroad, for a period of at least a month. He had promised Kiyoko to write to her as soon as he could, which was going to be complicated by the mountain of work that would fall on him once he arrived.

But the young woman had been understanding, as always, and had also promised to write as much as possible. When he left, she had not been able to hold back her emotions completely, and had unhappily let a few tears escape her eyes, even though she was known for never showing weakness, other than her natural kindness.

He had only seen her cry a few times, but they were always alone in those moments.

Which, in turn, had almost happened to Chuuya. But he did not want to cry in front of the other people around, and especially in front of Dazai, who was watching them carefully. Then, despite his knotted throat, the redhead had said goodbye to his girlfriend, and had assured her that he would return as soon as possible.

So, he had left, and it was only on the plane, away from prying eyes, that his tears appeared. He watched the land of Japan slowly drift away, leaving behind the one he loved, at least for a while. This was the first time they would be separated for so long, and it terrified him silently.

They had obviously exchanged as many letters as possible. Especially Kiyoko, who sent him a myriad of news, often to say nothing and talk about what she had done that day, but he had cherished every single one of those letters, which he had treasured and was forced to answer only rarely, to his great despair. They called each other regularly, when he had a moment of respite, or when he missed her voice too much.

Then, almost overnight, the letters had stopped coming, even though he had almost completed his mission of several long months. He was just days away from being able to return to Japan, and the fact that the once abundant news of his girlfriend had suddenly stopped worried him greatly.

Unable to help it, when the third day without a letter had come (whereas before that she sent him letters every day, sometimes even several in one day), he had started to be afraid.

Had she... Had she finally grown tired of him, and of his return, which he was obliged to postpone unceasingly, against his will of course...? Had she met another man, a man who would always be there for her, a man who was better than him...?

Since they got together, he had been afraid many times that this would happen, and that Kiyoko would go elsewhere, so lucky he felt to have a girlfriend as perfect as her. But, each time, he blamed himself for these thoughts.

He had to believe in their relationship if he did not want it to end up falling apart because of his own lack of confidence in it. So, he had silenced those voices as best he could. But now, all these questions and fears had come back at full speed, and he had found himself multiplying the calls to the young woman, without her picking up for all that.

What had happened...? Had she met another man, or had she been injured during a mission, and was therefore unable to write to him or take his calls?

He had returned to Japan by night flight, as soon as he had finished his work, despite his extreme tiredness, reinforced by the anxiety and the return trip. Immediately, he went to the apartment he shared with Kiyoko, to find it completely empty, plunged into darkness. Not a sound, no sign of life in the whole dwelling.

This had only exacerbated his already immense distress. He was getting scared, much more scared than he had ever been in the eighteen years of his life.

He had searched the apartment from top to bottom, and what he had found had devastated him. Literally.

Some of Kiyoko's things were gone. Whether it was clothes, or knick-knacks she cared about, or books she loved more than anything else... It was as if she had to leave in a hurry, overnight. The majority were still there, but the damage had already been done.

He had felt himself sinking, he had felt something break inside his heart. The doubts were there again, and they were much fierier than they had been in the past. He was beginning to panic.

The last nail on the coffin had been given when, through the tears that filled his eyes and his knotted stomach, he had seen a piece of paper carefully folded on the desk Kiyoko used to work at night.

A letter addressed to him, as his own name was written on it. In a neat and elaborate handwriting, which was identical to the one Kiyoko used.

Come on, he had said to himself, hoping to draw some courage from his hollow and increasingly hopeless words. Maybe she only left for a mission of a few days, and didn't have time to write to me or answer my calls...

But who was bringing books and trinkets on a mission, exactly? And then, why didn't she warn him, even with a plain text message, which they didn't really like to do, but just to let him know she was okay?

It was not like Kiyoko disappearing like that without warning him.

With trembling hands, trying to calm his emotions and tears, Chuuya unfolded the letter, and started to read.

One thing was certain. When he had left on that business trip, when he had promised his girlfriend to come back as soon as possible...

He could never have imagined what he would find when he returned.

               

To be continued...