Never Knew I Needed (Chaelisa)

Chapter 17

It really has been amazing. I don't know why because I don't usually feel like this about visiting my family but I think it's not that part of it, but rather the Rosé part of being here that's made me enjoy it so much. She's done what I told her she'd do and save me from complete boredom, but she's done more than that. She's just made it a really nice weekend, especially with this evening's beach walk and honestly? I don't want it to end.

There's no complications here and no quizzical or really fucking nosy best friends with the name Jisoo to interfere. There's no narrowed glares or questions thrown at me, I've just been accepted what's going on and even though it's lead me to a few realizations, I can't help but think that they're going to help me at some point in time. Maybe not soon, but in the future, I know they're going to be good for me. For both Rosé and me, in fact.

This weekend's just been relaxing, and comfortable, and I'm kind of dreading going back home tomorrow. Back to reality and back to pretending.

(Although I'm not really sure what I'm pretending to do or be.)

As my hand strokes over her hair again, I feel her stir and mumble something incoherent against my chest. My entire body tenses, the fear of waking her up spiking against my skin and I try not to breathe because I don't want to disturb her. Though as I continue to still, I pick up the sound of her regulated breathing and realize she's already awake. Shit. I didn't mean to wake her up and I don't want her to know I was awake.

"Hmm," she hums sleepily, tilting her head back against my shoulder.

I manage to pull my head and twist it enough to glance down at her, meeting her eye. She's a little groggy, I can tell by the way she's squinting and blinking purposefully and I smile to myself because she's just so adorable. Before I know it, my hand is stroking over her face, the backs of my fingers grazing over her cheek and the tips of my finger running down the length of her nose, and after I’ve finished, and after I pull my eyes back to meet hers, I find something behind the brown that makes me take a staggered breath.

I don't know what it is, I've seen it before a few times, but I've never seen is this... intense. It feels like it could climb out, wrap me up in an embrace and never let me go. It feels like it could hold me forever, the softness warming me for eternity and I wouldn't mind at all. And that could be why I don't even hesitate in leaning down and kissing her, but then again it could be because I just want to, or because I haven't kissed her in the way I've wanted to in over twenty-four hours and for the past five months that's never happened before.

It could be a number of things that make I kiss her, but the second my lips touch hers, I don't even care what the reason is, because I'm kissing her and she's kissing me back.

Our lips fit together perfectly, mine taking in her bottom one and sucking gently and I feel her shift, pushing herself higher to my level as both her hands find the space beside my head, her body lifting and knees bracketing my hips. My hands move to her waist, helping her as she settles down and I feel her lips stretch into a lazy grin, mine mirroring it, as our bodies press together, my hands sliding around her and smoothing up and down her back, moving the fabric of her shirt with it.

I want more of her, I can feel it curdling in my groin and I know by the way her hips are rolling over me, making me bulge and grow against her, that she wants it to, but it's like there's something stopping me. It's like there's a barrier because I know that since I realized that I... well, since I just realized, if I sleep with her then I'm acknowledging what I feel and acting with them instead of acting with my dick like I usually do. I never use my mind when having sex, I never think with it and yet here I am, kissing the most gorgeous woman on the planet and feeling my mind reacting to her as well as my body.