ON CUE | HYUNHO ⚘

sixteen.

But that's the problem. I know what I want, but I have no idea what he wants. I don't even know if he likes me the way I think I like him. That's what we need to talk about, if we are on the same page.

"Too fast?" He asks, tilting his head. He doesn't seem mad, he seems calm. He seems understanding. "Too fast? What do you mean too fast?"

"I just think.. maybe we should take it slower." I say, looking down to the floor. "I think.. we shouldn't have done what we did when we did.."

"W—"

I snap my head up. "But I don't regret it!" I clarify, making him stop taking. "I don't regret it and I never will, because I really like it. I really like it all.. it's just.. I really wish I knew.. what it all was?"

I look into his eyes, hoping he understands what I am trying to say to him. What he says next will probably determine everything. I will know if he thinks what I think, if he wants what I want, I will know it all.

He furrows his eyebrows, pulling away from me. My hands fall, and I start to worry. He opens his mouth to speak, but closes it soon after. He clears his throat. "What it all was?" He asks, softly.

"Yeah.." I say. "What.. was it? What are we?"

"We?" He asks. "There's a we? Hyunjin I—"

"There's not a we?" I ask, my voice cracking.

He looks sad now, worried even. He inhales, looking away from me. "Hyunjin, I didn't know..." he looks back to me. "I didn't know there was supposed to be a... we." He tilts his head.

My mouth parts. I inhale a breath. "There wasn't a we? I thought that.. okay." I sigh. "Okay, forget it then." I turn back around.

"But we still can—"

"Minho." I raise my voice, snapping around. "No. We can't." I say firmly. "Because it's killing me, you don't understand."

He takes a step back. "What? What do you mean?"

He doesn't seem angry. He just seems confused. His chest is going up and down, as he breaths a bit faster than usual.

His reaction gives it all away. How could I have been so blind? This whole time, I was thinking it was something way more serious than it was. I feel kinda.. let down.

"I think I'm staring to like you, Minho." I say, a painful chuckle following in my words. I feel my eyes start to water. I feel all the emotions hitting me. I take a deep breath.

"That's what I mean. It's getting hard to do.. this.. because it's starting to affect me in the ways it shouldn't. And I know, it's my own fault. But sometimes... you make it feel like it's not one sided."

"I—"

"Let me just finish." I shake him off. I stand up straight. "It's just.. when you say you want me, you make it seem like you want more than my body. When you kiss me, hug me, touch me.. it feels so real. Not like.. like what it is." I say, a tear falling down my cheek.

"So because of that.. I can't do this anymore." I shake my head, as another tear falls. My throat is clogging. "I want to stop this. Whatever it is, it needs to end."

"Hyunjin.." he shakes his head. "I like this. I like being able to have you.. why can't we just continue this?" He asks, taking a step forward.

"Because it's hurting me." I sob. I take a step away, shaking my head. "You're confusing me."

"We can still do this." He shakes his head, his own voice starting to become scratchy. It's confusing me. "It doesn't matter what we are, we can still have each other. I won't reject you.."