chapter 33

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Tw sh

Y/n's pov:

I woke up facing emily. Our noses were so close to eachother when I noticed she was holding my hand.
"Em" I whisper
She doesn't respond.
So I slowly pull my hand away.

I take my clothes and back pack and jump im the shower.

I needed to cut again.
I just need to and I dont want to fight it. I don't even want to try. I just drag the blade through my skin and feel the sweet relief. I decided to keep it on my thighs so nobody would find out.

When I get out the shower. I put comfortable clothes for the jet ride.
Emily was already awake.

"Why do you look at me like that"
I say putting my headphones around my neck when I walked out the batroom.

"I gave you some space yesterday bc I thought you needed it but now I want a real answer. Are you oke...?"
She looked really worried
But she also looked so hot.

O fuck it

"What do you think" I say when walking up the her and kissing her lips.

I put my hand in her neck with my thumbs on her face.
She grabs my waist and I push her to the wall.
When she all of a sudden pushes me away.
"Y/n stop"
I take my hand of of her. And awkwardly stans there.

"I'm sorry I like jj. And well you need to focus on your mental health "

"Right right sorry"

I am so fucking stupid Ahhhhhh

I start packing in my stuff ad if nothing happend.
I was fast then em so I immediately run out of the room. And go to Spencer's room

"Hey your fast " Spencer said to me
I dropped my bags on the ground on the edge of tears.

"Y/n what's wrong?"
"I am so fucking stupid" I start pacing around his room.
"I kissed emily. And she declined me by saying she's in love with jj"
I was crying in a slight panic.

God now I wanne cut even more and I just did 2 seconds ago.

"Shh oke calm down" Spencer hugged me and we stood there for a second.

"You are amazing en emily is making a big mistake, oke. And soon she will realise her mistake"
I sit down on spenc bed.

"I'm not even over Eva's dea yet. But god... she's just so gorgeous "
Spencer shuckled a little making me laugh to in-between my cries.
He came to sit down next to me.

"Do you really like her?" He asked.
"I think so. I've always found her attractive. But I never wanted to kiss her this badly."
Spencer hugged me again.
And then let me calm down a sec while be was packing in.
Before leaving the room he gave me my antidepressants and I took my anxiety meds.

I immediately but on my headphones and we walk to the cars.

When we got on the plane. I sat alone.
I wanted to sleep a little more but I couldn't. I kept think about what happend. I kept looking at emily.
And how she looked at jj.

God I wish I was jj. I want her long blond her. I want to have her smile, her  laugh. And those eyes. The ones emily keeps looking into.

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