Dear Mister Summers

forty four

The wretched weight of the deceit she had allowed to stay in place with him today crept up on her and it was suddenly very clear that she could not go through with deceiving her mother about anything. She would hold back about her pregnancy for a while, but not about him being her boss, nor how much the relationship meant to her.

She wanted her mother to understand, and needed her to be supportive. That was probably expecting too much, but what was their relationship worth if she could not confide her love for a man and hope for a sympathetic ear? Maybe it was weak of her but she was tired of being independent, working everything out for herself. Damon was a good friend — the best of friends, and being able to lean on his shoulder was a big help but she really wanted her mother. And her mother finally opened up her arms, telling her that she could rely on her.

Tears pricked her eyes and she hurriedly blinked them away. Andin looked up and stared at her mother, a vision of a blurry cream blouse and dark blue worn-out jeans.

"I might be old but I have been young and I am not stupid, Andin." She handed Andin a tissue from the box on the end table. "Dry your eyes. Your mascara will smear."

Andin took the tissue and dabbed at the corners of her eyes.

"I knew something was up the minute you got here and I have been waiting for you to come to me and talk to me about it." Her mother sat on the couch. "I could help. Maybe give you motherly advice."

"No offense, Momma, but you have been dating people casually and you rejected at least half a dozen proposals. What advice could you give about relationships?"

"Well, I could tell you what mistakes not to make. For example, never get involved with a married man because they rarely leave their wives despite what they might say."

"That really does not apply here, Momma. I am not seeing anyone who is married."

"Okay." Her hand dropped reached to the side of her face and she tucked her hair behind her ear. "Do not date sailors as well because those men dock at different ports around the world and they all seem to just love the hookers. They are nasty bastards."

"Again, Momma. Does not really apply here. I do not date any sailors either."

Her mother sighed as if she were the one suffering. "Okay, then who are you dating?"

"My boss. Which perhaps makes this ten times worse."

"That is not too bad, Andin," she replied and took her hand. "Well, I think your relationship with Sebastian is difficult, given that he is your boss, and that might raise some eyebrows, but it is not impossible."

Andin groaned. "At the moment, it feels impossible."

They were both quiet for a solid two minutes before her mother squeezed her hand and asked, "Do you love him?"

What she felt was so new, so raw, she did not want to talk about it. "I do not want to love him."

"Well, Honey, I do not want to get grey hair, but it is not something I can help."

"Are you seriously equating him and grey hair?"

Her mother shrugged one shoulder. "Your body is going to react a certain way and there is nothing you can do about it. You can not control who you are attracted to. And you definitely can not control who your heart wants, Honey."

A few weeks ago she would have told her mom that was a load of crap. And she would have believed it too. "But I do not want my heart to want him. I do not want to fall for any man right now. Plus I am pretty sure his mother hates me." Andin especially did not want a relationship that was so complicated but she did not really have much of a choice considering his baby was in her belly.