shameless. | dnf au

VIII

"No, Karl, I don't think you understand- have you read anything about me in the news? When I say fuck a reputation, I mean fuck a reputation."

This gains a laugh out of him, and I only smile. Pleased to see he's not shattered by the evening's events. 

"I may have a reputation," I start, playing with my shirt sleeve. "But I never asked to have one, and the one thing I value more than the reputation I've been forced to uphold- is friendship." 

I've not had many friends. None that were genuine, at least. My only real friend was Wilbur, but I don't know if that fully counts. However, I've thought about friendships. The types of friendships I'd want in my life, and Karl has come closer to ticking all the boxes than anyone else ever has. 

He's managed to stick up for me. He's pointed out my flaws without any hostility. He's capable of giving me space- even though I never specifically asked for it in our circumstances. He's loyal. He's genuine. He doesn't care that I'm second in line to the throne. He judges me as a person, not as a public figure. He says things how they are, but in a way that I can learn from rather than cower away and ignore. 

I've been friends with him for less than 24 hours, and I've experienced more self-growth with him than anyone else in my eighteen years of living. 

There's a comfortable silence now, one I haven't felt in this room since saying goodbye to my brother, but it's interrupted by my favorite laugh. 

I turn to Karl, who shuffles to his bedside table, pulling out a bottle of spiced rum. 

"Remember when you asked me to go buy alcohol?" he asks through his laugh as he turns the cap of the unopened bottle. 

"Yes, I remember it well," I start as I furrow my brows, wondering why that moment has any importance now. 

"Well, I bought you your damn alcohol!" he exclaims, taking off the cap and handing it to me. 

I stare at him, bewildered. I was convinced he wouldn't. I don't think anyone could blame me after the response I received. Regardless, I take the bottle, taking two large sips before grimacing at the burn down my throat. 

"You're devious, you are," I smile through disgust as I hand it back to him. The American took a cautious sip. 

His expression inevitably matches my own, coughing slightly. 

"Spiced rum, though, that's what you decided on?" I ask, playfully teasing him about his purchase of choice. 

The two of us drink until we're giggling messes sprawled out across the floor. I'll admit, I've had more fun alone with Karl in our room in the past hour than the endless hours I would've spent in the East Wing. 

Our laughter dies down to a comfortable silence, and before thinking, I speak again. 

"Do you ever feel like you're a lost soul who's  been put in the wrong storyline?" I ask, staring at the ceiling, overly cautious of Karl in my peripheral vision. I can tell he's looking at me, but his face is too blurry to determine his thinking. 

He says nothing, so I take it as my chance to continue. 

"I never felt like being a Royal was who I was meant to be. I wanted freedom, a quiet life- a life I could call my own. I wanted friends. Friends who liked me for me. I wanted heartbreak and gossip and pointless friendship fights." I breathe now, realizing that I've been rambling so much that I'd forgotten to do so, but this doesn't stop the rambling. 

"I wanted a life like yours. Friends like you."

It's quiet again, but if I continue now, there'd be no stopping me. It doesn't take long for him to speak up finally. 

"You have friends like me," I look at him now with furrowed brows. He's got that soft smile plastered on his face again. "Maybe not like me, but you have me, George." 

My heart almost dropped like it was entirely under gravity's control until it lifted back up just as fast. Like a rollercoaster. The feeling of fear and excitement interlace. 

"Really?" I ask, my smile only matching his wholly and ignoring the fight or flight instincts fighting inside of me. 

"If this day didn't solidify that, then you really are a royal snob," he giggles before taking another sip. "But going back on what you said, you don't want a life like mine."

How could he say that? He has the most ordinary life. He seems happy with it. I couldn't see why he'd want anything else. He notices my confusion and sighs before continuing. 

"Working-class families are great until they aren't." Cryptic, but I say nothing, allowing him to open up. 

"The parents struggle to pay the bills, things get difficult, marriages fall apart, and then next thing you know, it's just you and your dad- both working two jobs while studying until the early hours of the morning to make sure you're not a failure in the making."

Things start making sense the more Karl speaks, and suddenly I realize just how easy it is to appear like you've had a good life when in reality, no one knows what the fuck they're doing.

"Then you face your own struggles growing up, and your only parental figure is too busy to notice them- you're too busy to notice them." He takes a moment to take another swig, handing me the bottle as I sit up now, still entirely fixated on him as I hold the bottle in my hands- afraid that if I drink, I'll miss a vital part. 

"You get evicted and end up living in the basement of your grandparents' house with your dad for a bit, where you're forced to spend more time together. You take that opportunity to tell him about life- about things you've been going through, about how you don't just like girls, but even if you did, sex doesn't appeal all that much to you." Karl stops for a moment. Regaining his composure as he readjusts his seating.

"Your dad ends up pushing you away, focusing on work, and you decide to drown yourself in work and school because that's all you know. No time for friends. They'd push you away too."

I sit there for a moment, fully processing everything I've just been told, I want to ask him questions, but there are far too many to ask them all. 

"Did things ever get better between you and your dad?" I ask cautiously. Unsure if that might've been far too personal even to consider asking. 

He smiles now and nods. 

"I think he noticed how much I shut myself out from the world, and he blamed himself for it, but he's been supportive ever since- when he doesn't understand something, he tries, and that's all I could ever ask for."

An hour or so passed, and Karl's passed out on his bed. Fast asleep, a hangover just around the corner for when he wakes up. I take this as my opportunity to open the window and sit on the ledge, pulling out my pack of cigarettes and my lighter. 

As I sit with the smoke lingering down my throat, I look at the stars. You weren't ever able to see the stars in London. There's too much smog, too much light, but here? They're all just as bright and clear as the moon. 

Perhaps, I could be like the stars here. Shining and completely free to do so. Not a care in the world. 

But little did I know about stars. They'd eventually become supernovas. A death so beautiful up in space, just waiting for someone who could handle it. 

A/N

I can't remember how many chapters I've posted this week, but I have reached the end of my bullet point planning for chapters.
Planning up to chapter fourteen might take some time before entirely writing another chapter. 
I'm hoping to get something out for you lot at some point next week, but I do hope what I've gotten out for you so far has been to your liking <3