From the perfect start

Chapter 33- Jail or grave

No, you wouldn't laugh at me like that. Right, Ally? I should have respected your company more. I didn't know back then when we first met that you are a force that can keep you safe and heal the world.

In the past, I could have talked to you, confided in you if I had not been such a coward, but now?

You are his sister. I mean you always were but now I know and it's impossible to ignore.

This love I read and write about drives me to death. I can't even describe it, but goddamn, I'd kill for it. Your words echo in my head and I smile to myself.

You would want me to be romantic and say I don't care about your brother, wouldn't you?Little romance freak.

I look down at the half empty bottle in my hand, almost numbness spreading through the limb holding it.

Am I even more of a coward now that I am hiding from you because he could take away the only thing that helps me breathe? That helps me forget about him.

Don't be dumb, Kaden. You don't even really know this girl. But how long from our first encounter till I know you? How many conversations does it need to truly be connected?

Surely, there is a book that answers those questions we have all asked ourselves for centuries. My lip twitches as I think about the dumb idiots before me that thought their stories were so unique and there could never be a solution to their problems. However, there is one rule that has always applied.

From the first complex molecules such as RNA and DNA that formed structures that reproduced themselves and formed the basis for the first life on Earth. Over the first jurisdiction and the last heartbreak a teenager somewhere on this world endured.

One rule.

History repeats itself and we are bastards, slaves to the paths laid down for us before we were even born.

It is difficult to accept that your body is weak, where there is so little adrenaline left. This is because your mind is also slowly on its way to run out of the desire to continue.

Although I am reaching for her somehow, whether it is the amount of alcohol that will make me puke and possibly end up in the hospital with my stomach pumped out, or the loss of blood, I am reaching for her.

Everything inside me reaches for her.

She cannot be your friend.

She can be nothing.

If I lose this, he died for nothing.

Nothing.

You know what make me so fucking mad? It is possible for them to be together, but there is something that keeps them apart from each other. They could have solved this so easily. I am sorry, where were we? I know I am rambling.

"No, please continue." I should have begged her.

At least I don't have to feel guilty about that.

This isn't an insignificant thing. This is my life, your life, his life. We are not two stupid kids who are still going to highschool thinking prom is the most meaningful thing there is.

This is reality, Ally. Not a novel... even though sometimes I wish I could write my own ending.

I would have let him live. Then I wouldn't be wrecked and I could fall in love without having the gut renching feeling I have to rip off my skin, the guilt overwhelming me.

"For someone who has bragged to me at our first meeting that they are constantly watching crime documentaries, you sure as hell try to get murdered," I say, hoping my words don't sound too slurred.