Tortured Pasts

Chapter 22

A bright white light shines over me. A shiver runs down my spine. A voice calls out from afar. "Alex, how could you?" I look around, but no one and nothing is around me. My breathing increases. "You said you loved me, so why did you do this?" There it is again. It sounds like it is all around me.

"Ethan?" I wait for the voice to speak again. "Where are you? Ethan? Ethan?"

"Alex, wake up. Alex?" I hear a quiet voice whispering in my ear. The light begins to fade, and darkness forms around me. I woke up in a panic. "Hey, you're alright. It was a nightmare. You're safe." I look over to Justin, who is rubbing my arms. I calm myself as I lay back down. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.

I look into his eyes. He has already seen me at my worst and has been by my side. Why not tell him about the lowest part of my life? I turn my head back straight.

"Ethan was my high school boyfriend. We met freshman year and started dating in Junior year. He was kind-hearted and caring. Always looking out for those who could not look out for themselves. It was what I loved about him." I sigh. I start remembering the good old days. When everything was perfect, and Ethan was still alive. "There was a group of us, including Scott, that were inseparable. At least, I thought so. We all graduated together and even stayed in full contact with each other." I smile, remembering the good times we all had. "Ethan was going to be an engineer, and I went into the police academy when I turned nineteen." I took a minute to compose myself as I felt a tear roll down my face. "We got engaged a day after I graduated from the academy. We moved into an apartment in Vinestin shortly after. My parents retired and moved down to Florida a couple of months later." I go quiet.

"What happened to Ethan?" Justin asks after a minute of silence.

A knot forms in my stomach. "Two years into our engagement, I was working a night shift in the next town over. Lake Ashton. Ethan went to a bar to hang out with our friends that night. I was finishing up a call at the hospital around 1:15 in the morning when I was called over the radio to return to the station. I instantly knew something was wrong, but I never thought that.." I start to choke up. Justin lovingly rubs his thumb over my hand while holding it. "At 1:35 am, I walked into my sergeant's office, and one of my colleagues, Officer Williams, was standing beside him with a somber look on his face." I rubbed my eyes with my one free hand.

"It's okay. Keep going," Justin says.

"It was then my sergeant told me that Ethan was hit by a drunk driver while crossing the street and died on his way to the hospital." My tears start flowing. Justin grabs me and turns my body into him.

"I am so sorry," he whispers into my ear. It makes me cry even harder. "I am here for you. Let it out."

I sob, "it's not even the worst part." I take a deep breath. "After he died, it broke me. I lost myself for a long time. I turned to alcohol and sex as a remedy to fill the void I felt." I laugh at myself. "And none of it filled it. How stupid am I?"

"You are not stupid. Do not ever say that again. Seeing who you are now, tells me that you suffered through a huge tragedy, but you survived it, and now you're stronger than before."

I nod my head. "I lost my friends, including Scott, because of the alcohol. I lost my job because of it. I came in extremely hungover more than once, and the final straw was when I was at a bar, and I made a drunken scene. The police were called, and I got arrested that night for trying to hit one of the officers." I look up at him. "You want to know the worst part about that?" He nods. "All they were trying to do was get me home and not press charges."

"Ouch."

"Yep. I could have gone home, slept it off, and gone to work. But after I was released, it got worse. I had no income, I pushed my friends away, I could not pay my rent, and I kept on drinking. The only thing that saved me was Ethan's mom."