Your Addiction, Simon Ghost Riley x Reader

Not his fault

Simon closed his eyes for a moment, trying to cling to the remnants of the dream, but it was already slipping away, fading like a mirage in the desert. He could feel how the longing for the dream, for me, was slowly but surely consuming his soul and mind.

He couldn't shake off the feeling that he had failed me, that he had let me down even though deep in his heart he knew he couldn't keep blaming himself for my death. All of that reminded him of how much he missed me, but it also brought back memories of our last conversation on our final mission.

He thought of the moment I called him 'Ghost' and in a way, now I was the real ghost. The one he lost, he would never get back.

Several minutes later, Simon slowly got out of bed and stretched his arms, feeling the familiar soreness in his muscles. He called out to Foap, who was already wagging its tail in happiness, and the two went down the stairs together.

He sat down on the porch steps, with Foap sitting beside him, and took a deep breath of the fresh morning air. His eyes then scanned the landscape, searching for a sign of the fantasy he had just woken up from, secretly hoping to see me sitting next to him once again.

After a while of silence, Simon's attention was drawn to a sound in the distance. His heart raced as he heard a car approaching and so he sat up straight, his eyes glued to the road, hoping against fate that the dream would come true and he would see me again.

But as it came closer, he could see Soap behind the wheel and the sight of his face instantly shattered any hopes of that dream becoming a reality.

Simon watched as Soap pulled up and stopped the car, getting out and walking towards him with a concerned expression on his face.

"Hey" Soap felt nervous like never before.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice sounding harsh and sharp.

"Just checking in on you" Soap trembled.

"I don't need anybody checking in on me" Simon snapped, his tone cold and distant.

"You can't keep living like this, Simon"

"Like what?"

"Avoiding everything and everyone... Y/N wouldn't have wanted this"

"Don't bring Y/N up!" He raised his voice as frustration consumed his body.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" He spoke softly, making Simon feel a hint of regret.

Breaking eye contact, Soap walked over to the tree near the cottage, where my tombstone lay. He stood there for a moment, feeling a lump form in his throat.

He then reached out and ran his fingers over the engraved letters of my name, feeling the coldness of the stone against his fingertips.

A few moments later Soap stood up and turned around to see Simon walking towards him. He approached and stood by his side, both looking at the tombstone in silence.

"I didn't even get the chance to propose to her" Simon finally said, his voice softening.

"I planned to show my face... And now I will have to live with the fact that she never saw the real me" Simon continued, looking at Soap with a pained expression.

Soap didn't know what to say, but the sudden thought of telling Simon about my lost baby clouded his mind.

"She was one of a kind, wasn't she?" Soap finally broke the silence, his voice laced with sadness.

"She was"

"I don't know if this is the right time to tell you about it but..." Soap couldn't find the right words.

"About what?"

"When you guys came back from the Christmas break and she got stabbed..."

At that moment, Simon instantly realized what Soap was trying to say.

"She never told me about it, but I heard your conversation that night" Simon looked away and felt a wave of sadness wash over him as he remembered he once had a chance of becoming a father.

"Oh... Yeah, I'm sorry for not-"

"Don't apologise, Johnny. You did what she asked you to do" Simon felt his eyes water but he tried his best not to cry.

A chilly breeze brushed past them as they stood in silence, the only sound coming from the birds in the distance.

"You really think she forgave me?" He glanced up, waiting for a response.

"She was more worried about whether or not you had forgiven her"

"Was she in pain?"

"No, she felt at peace" Soap shifted his gaze from Simon to my name, as the rustling leaves, swaying in the wind, gave off a gentle and soothing sound.

"I promised to protect her no matter what"

"It wasn't your fault, Simon"

"Then whose fault is it, who is responsible for all of THIS?" He snapped once again as he looked him in the eyes.

"Shit happens and shit happens to the wrong people"

Simon knew it was true but it didn't make the reality any less painful.

"Now it makes sense why she was called Heroin" Soap commented finally breaking the silence.

"It does"