Not That Interested

Chapter 37: The One With The Tattoos

Mom got up from her seat to gently wipe away my tears. Simba pounced on my lap from his perch on the coffee table, and purred closer to my hands. My cat just knew whenever I needed his comfort. I petted his fur, as I blubbered for a while. Mom didn't even shoo Simba away from my delicate dress, as I expected her to. It took me a while to return to normal.

"Beta, We, recently received a proposal for your hand. I know that it is too soon, after your last relationship, but you must know that your Dad and I would never push this on you unless we thought that this particular...boy...was perfect for you."

I suddenly find myself short of breath. I don't want to let anyone know about my trepidation regarding marriage, least of all my parents. I have worried them enough for a lifetime. So while my insides are screaming "NO FREAKING WAY!" I manage to school my expression into a neutral one. My treacherous heart is running a mile-a-minute.

"We will never force you into a relationship you're not ready to commit to. But our instincts are saying that this boy is the best partner Allah could have chosen for you. It also helps, that you're closely familiar with him...."

My mind starts reeling like crazy. I know him? Faces of every weirdo cousin, and childhood friend I know, flashes before my eyes. Who....?

"...Your Dad has reservations about his living situations, but I pray that wherever Allah decides your fate, may you be blessed there. After all, the States is a better off option than Pakistan at the moment..."

No way. He wouldn't. I think I'm having a mini nervous breakdown. Surely HE wouldn't do this to me now? Doesn't he know what I'm going through? Isn't he supposed to be my superhero? Simba yowls in protest when I squeeze his tiny body too hard, I numbly let go of him.

"Who is it Ma?" I whisper. Mom and Dad glance anxiously at each other, before Dad coughs softly.

"Beta, Shehzer's mother formally proposed to us via phone. She cannot visit us in person, as she recently traveled here, but she assured us that Shehzer is eager to formalize your relationship. Soon. We have spoken to him as well, and we find him extremely suitable for you. Do you trust our judgement regarding this matter?"

Why am I not too surprised at his thoughtlessness? He slowly insinuated his way into my heart, into my life, until I started to trust him. But what did he do? He went behind my back, and put me in an uncomfortable situation I cannot escape. There's no way I will ever disregard my parents' ardent wishes. Was he aware of that too? That manipulative gorgeous Jerk. He bought me over with quotes and overweight cats! and I fell for it...just like catching Ali with cheesecake. Idiot Mina!

"Mina. You don't have to say yes. We can always reject the proposal. However, you must know that your Ma and I are immensely satisfied and happy at this possible marriage. We have done Istikhara (Prayer for Allah's guidance regarding difficult decisions) for this one, and both of us are at peace. However, I encourage you to offer prayers yourself, before accepting." Dad draws his speech out with a gentle pat to my head. "Shehzer might be joining us at the Valima, if his schedule allows it, and I want you both to settle this together soon. Whether the answer is yes, or no."

How on earth can I say no to this? They are happy, and more blissful at this proposal than they ever were with Areeb. I can just feel the difference. This is so unfair! I am irrationally angry at Shehzer, I am done being meek, hurt and betrayed by ridiculously attractive men in my life. I will not go down without a fight. If he wants me anywhere near a Nikah-naama, he has to prove that he is worth it. He has to prove that I am worth it.

............

I managed to enjoy the Valima, despite the constant marital sword hanging over my head. Shehzer's possible arrival made me uncertain and anxious. How can I be angry at him, as he deserves, in front of an audience?