✓ fatal || yang jungwon

035

"What? Are you talking about the stars?" She would speak through tears. She didn't know why she was crying — why it felt like her heart was set on fire. But it hurt, "Jungwon, I'm not in the mood to play games right now."

He remained unfazed, "All these stars. Their number is endless. Something you can see, but will never touch. Something you can't picture. So close, but yet so far."

"Jungwon, stop talking in riddles and get to the fucking point. I swear." She cursed through tears, her whole body trembling as she put her hand on her chest. She didn't know what was wrong with her body. Her heart hurt, "If you continue like this, I can't take it, I really can't."

"My feelings for you are just the same, Ji. Just like those stars we gaze upon so often." Jungwon spoke with control, a big contrast to everything that was going on inside him. How much he practiced his speech, at home when he was about to fall asleep, but eventually impractical, "I have feelings for—"

Then, her heart exploded, feeling the blood in her veins heat up, "You don't." The girl's eyes were filled with desperation and tears. Her heart was on the ground, still beating rapidly, threatening to stop, "You don't mean it."

Now it was her turn to hold his shoulders, piercing her nails into his skin, attempting to stop him.
Prevent him from continuing.

To no avail.
"I love you." Despite how harsh she was on him, the boy's hand was wrapped around hers gently, "I love you with my whole being, Ji. With everything I have. My heart, it belongs to you. I belong to you— My feelings for you are true. I...swear they are."

"Jungwon." The voice came out hoarse.
Speechless. Like her vocal chords were ripped out of her throat, taking away her chance to deny and push him away.

So, her biggest fear came true.

And with that, the whole sky fell in on her small figure, immediately suffocating her. All those stars, those endless stars that always seemed so, so far and out of her reach, would pierce through her skin. Each leaving a scar on her vulnerable body. A body not meant for stars to touch.
There was nothing she could do to fight it.

Now there really was someone.

Someone that might mourn for her.
Someone that would actually visit her grave. Leave flowers. Shed tears. Stay till the sun sets, stay way too long to her own liking.

And the worst thing: that someone had the power of actually making her question all of her previous decisions.

Someone that made her feel guilt. Regret.

Two things that she tried to ignore and pretend as if it never existed.

"Jungwon." Was it really her voice that spoke?
After endless sobbing and difficult breathing, she shakily replied, "I will never be someone you love."

She ripped out his heart without mercy.
"That's not true. I know I love you. I know it. I'm not mistaken." The boy slightly raised his voice.

"I can never make you happy."

"A lie!" He knew best how happy she made him the past few months. He didn't expect reciprocation right away but this, this was so much worse than every rejection he could imagine.

"I will never be healthy enough. Or stable or..or sane. Jungwon, I'm a walking corpse."

"Ji." He spoke through gritted his teeth, "Stop."
Jungwon wasn't sure if he wanted her to stop because she was hurting herself with her own words or if he was the one in pain. Probably both.