That Kiss - Emison

Real Problems

Emily's POV:

Couldn't that have waited just another hour?! I leave the principles office feeling more nervous than when I went in, imagining Alison not hearing the tannoy and waiting in that bathroom for me, only to be left alone. Principle Hackett, was sat with Coach Fulton, my swim coach. Principle Hackett is tall and pale, his hair mostly balding, with a band of grey hair around the back and sides that he is desperately holding onto. Coach Fulton is my favourite teacher at the school, she feels like more of a friend to me than a coach. She is shorter than me, with tanned skin and dark hair that she wears in a ponytail every day. She's the type who gives tough love. If I need her, she's there for me, but when it comes to swimming, she will kick me into gear if she needs to. When I sat down with them, they just wanted to talk about the upcoming swim meets and changing my training scheduling, as I am the captain of the swim team. Talk about bad timing... I dread the thought that now I have to get through the whole of second period still wondering where me and Ali stand. I wander the corridors, my own thoughts consuming me, not wanting to go into class and pretend to be interested in whatever facts are going to be spat at me in chemistry.

As I walk the halls, my hand grazes over the lockers, feeling the cracks and seams in between each one that I brush my fingers over. My hand stops on Ali's locker, my fingers moving up the door to feel the numbers and the handle and the slot that I had put the note in this morning. I want to be everywhere that she is, touch everything that she's touched. I've never felt so enamoured by somebody before. I've become so used to her making me feel inferior, dying to see her nice side again, but then that sudden change the other night has seemed to have brought on some kind of obsession. Like all I want is to be back in that place again.

...

I walk with Spencer to the canteen at break as she pulls out a tub of carrots sticks, sipping on a canned iced coffee as she waffles on about the history notes she crammed last night for the test next period. I couldn't be less ready for the test if I tried. Good job I have no interest in becoming a history major. We approach the table that we always sit on, nearest the window, Hanna, Aria and Alison are already sat there, sharing a large bag of lightly salted Lays. My stomach flips as Spencer and I join them and sit down in our usual seats.

"What was that about, Em? The Principle's office." Aria asks, her mouth half full of chips.

"Oh, they want to up my swim training from 3 times a week to 4 times a week" I reply.

"You better still make time for us, Captain" Hanna jokes, saluting me, followed by a laugh from the group.

"You won't be seeing much of me anyway, I got a B on my maths paper" Spencer huffs. "My Mom and Dad are going to kill me when they find out"

"Oh shut up Spence" Ali interjects. "Some people have real problems"

"Hit me" Spencer says, leaning forward at the table.

"Oh, not me! Just some people." Ali says, raising her eyebrows with a smug smile. "Anyone got real problems to share?" She redirects her eyes over to me. "Em?"

Aaand she's back, the Alison that loves to make you uncomfortable.

"W-what?

"Real problems. You got any?" She asks in that bitchy tone she loves to use. "You seem distracted." Her fake-sweet smile causes adrenaline to flood through my veins as she tilts her head to one side, her eyes glued to me, waiting for a reply. She knows exactly how to get to me. I can feel the eyes of the other girls burning into my head.

"No, I haven't" My tone is angrier, more forceful. I'm looking her dead in the eyes. "But I think you have". I push my chair away from the table, picking my bag up from off the floor and walking quickly out of the canteen, away from the girls and out of the school doors. I feel my eyes fill up with tears, as I race down the stairs, my vision getting blurrier as I resist the urge to blink, not wanting tears to fall down my face until I am completely out of sight. I rush over to my car, slamming the driver door before curling over, my face in my hands as I let myself cry, feeling like I am a balloon deflating as the built up emotions flow out of me. What is happening to me? Last week everything was normal and now I feel stuck in this mess. I can't believe I thought things would be so different with Ali. I expected her to still be the girl that I kissed the other night, but she's just the same as before.

Knock Knock Knock. A loud banging on my passenger window startles me, causing me to shoot up in my seat. Through the glass, I see Ben's concerned face, peering in at me, my cheeks wet and my makeup smudged beneath my eyes. He signals at the door handle for me to let him in. I unlock the door and quickly wipe my face with my hands, not like it will do anything to help my appearance.

"Is this about the principle? I heard you get called in" He says, worry in his voice as he climbs into my car.

"No" I manage to say, my bottom lip quivering and my voice breaking.

I can't believe that through all of this, I haven't given any thought to Ben. This doesn't just affect me. He's supposed to be my boyfriend. Maybe this just proves how little impact he has on my life. I hardly see him on the weekends and only sometimes after school. I've managed to go almost 3 days without him knowing anything was up.

He sits there helplessly as I cry, trying to pull myself together enough to even think of an excuse for the state I am in.

"If you don't tell me, I can't help" He says, putting his strong hand on my shoulder and leaning in towards me to try and look at my face, which is once again buried into my hands.

"I can't... You won't understand" I say, finally making eye contact with him.

"Let me guess, it's girly stuff. Do you want me to go and grab you some chocolate?"

Does he really think hormones are the only thing that could be upsetting me. Boys are so closed minded. I know he's trying but really?

"No, it's just-" I try to regulate my breathing. "Actually... yeah" I sniff, my nose now running.

I just want him to go. Him being here is making this even harder.

"I've got you" He smiles, rubbing my shoulder once more before opening the car door and running off towards the school doors, his strides long, going up two stairs at a time.

I lean back into the seat of my car, my head feeling heavy on my neck. I run my hands through my hair, pulling it up and out of my face as I let out a deep and relieving exhale. I imagine how much better this would be if Ben just disappeared, or if he was just a stranger. Just a hot boy in my school that I see in the halls with his sports bag and his jock friends. Not the boy that I'm going to have to let down because of feelings that I can't even wrap my head around. Feelings that might be unreturned by the girl I like.

What did you do?! You turned your girlfriend gay! Are you that bad in bed? I imagine the embarrassment he could feel as the worst things his friends could say to him race through my mind, hurtful jokes, one by one. I can't face him again. I turn on my ignition and pull out of the school's parking lot to head home, away from all of this.

My eyes sting as I pull up outside my house, my eyelids now puffy and my cheeks tearstained and rosy. Not cute rosy, blotchy red with smeared concealer on them. I reach for my phone in my bag to tell Ben I went home. I fumble through books, pens, makeup, keys. I go through every pocket in my bag. No phone. Shit, I left it on the canteen table.