LGBTQIA- Oneshots

Deadly touch

Series: Shadow and Bone
Kaz Brekker x Poppy
Gay
Word count:1105

Never in his life had Kay thought he would have to fight this war. His emotions had died with Jordie and yet here he was, spread out on his bed, thinking about Poppy.

He hated Poppy bc he couldn't stop thinking about the man in beautiful dresses with makeup glimmering on the dark skin. He hated Poppy for loving him. He was the bastard of the barrel, he wasn't supposed to feel something like love.

Since the second he had woken up in the cold water, buried between corpses, his whole life had only been about surviving.

Surviving. Surviving. Surviving.

There was no place for such a feeling like love. And yet he had fallen head over heals for that man, had spent every free second with him, had took him on dates, only to face the cruel reality that he was to broken for love.

He really had believed he could be happy. He had been a fuel thinking life didn't just play with him but truly gave him someone to love. How blind he had been believing someone could love dirty hands. A broken boy. A walken myth.

His world had collided when Poppy had asked Kaz if he was comfortable kissing him. Of course he had wanted to kiss Poppy, still wanted too, but his whole body had tensed, his mind screaming at him, his skin arching, tears forming in his eyes.

Had he been a complete fuel truly believing someone could love him without the matter of touch?

He had torn himself apart over the fact that the had to be messed up like this. Oh what would he trade to just experience Poppy's touch with enjoyment. He craved it so much, to hold is hands, kiss him. Kaz would trade all the money in the world just to be okay with Poppy touching him.

But the world was a cruel place and faith was not kind to people like Kaz Brekker.

Once again he found himself to stare out of the window, eyes tracing the city, tears blurring his view. Only a boy, crying in his bed with nothing but his aching soul.

Words could not described how disgusted Kaz was by himself, how much he wished to crawl out of his own skin. He graved Poppy's love just as much as being able to accept skin on his own without it making him feel like burning.

Touch was deadly and yet poisoning in an addicting way. Kaz replayed every little second of Poppy's touch, every single second before his whole world collided one's again. It had torn him from the inside out and yet he wanted it again, wanted the warmth and softness of it.

He knew Poppy wanted him just as much but he couldn't bare it. Before he had been able to receive a reaction from Poppy he had run away. His broken leg aching in pain, refusing to work his way. Kaz felt like his whole body was against himself.

He had left Poppy alone, unexplained. It was a sting to his heart, he truly didn't mean to hurt the only person who was ready to love Kaz Brekker. How much more pain would he be able to bare? Was he really only hurting the others or did it maybe break himself just as much?

Drowning in his own mind Kaz almost overheard the knock on his door.

He didn't answer, not trusting his own voice. There was nothing to say anyways. But the knocking didn't want to stop.

And when Kaz finally lifted himself from his bed, opening the door, he didn't dare to belief his own eyes.

Blankly he started at the taller man in front of him. Kaz wanted to scream Poppy's name in relief, embrace him, cry to him. There was so much to say and yet not a single word left his mouth.

For a brief second Kaz was scared that Poppy would force him to talk, touch him, beat him mentally up. But when Poppy just offered him a warm smile Kaz felt guilty for thinking so low of the man.

Oh how much Kaz had missed that smile. Poppy's smile truly was the most beautiful thing Kaz ever witnessed. It was so pure, full off emotions, truly honest and heartwarming. Yes, Poppy shared thousands of smiles every day, bringing whole audiences joy and yet Kaz felt like it was only ment for him.

Before he was able to help himself he started to cry, overwhelmed at the sudden confrontation of emotions. And yet Poppy seemed so calm, so settled.

Slowly Poppy made his way in the room, letting himself fall into bed with Kaz. He could have hold millions of monologues to Kaz, tell him how much he cared, how okay he was with never touching the man in front of him, all the patience he offered to love Kaz but maybe at the end of the day words weren't the right solutions. It didn't feel right to Poppy, so he carefully approached Kaz instead.

Kaz instantly backed up, panic widening his eyes. But instead of touching him Poppy hold out both of his hands, showing them to Kaz. He was wearing...glove's.

Patiently Poppy hold his hands up until realization hit Kaz making him spill a few tears once again, truly overstrained with the whole situation.

Slowly, making sure he wouldn't catch Kaz off guard, Poppy picked up a blanket warping it around Kaz shoulders. Kaz tensed, scared that maybe not even gloves would be able to stop the heartbreaking, gut wrenching feeling, but the pain never came.

Instead when Kaz opened his eyes, looking right into Poppy's hopeful eyes, he felt safe. It was a weird unfamiliar feeling but in a good way. If Kaz had been religious he would be thanking the gods for this moment.

With a moment of hesitation Kaz let himself fall against Poppy's chest, getting embraced in a soft hug. He waited a moment, checking if the all to well known pain would follow but it didn't.

Breaking down, feeling hopeful and relieved, Kaz clinched onto Poppy. A few 'shhhhh' tones leaving Poppy's lips. Truly words weren't a comfort in the moment. Therefore Poppy let Kaz hold tightly onto him, only softly resting his own hands on Kaz back, making sure not to make him feel trapped, humming softly until Kaz drifted of to sleep.

Sobs turning into peaceful breathing. Shattered hearts turning into peace's of hope.

Maybe for once Kaz had tricked life into giving him peace and happiness.