Humbling Spot Conlon (A Spot Conlon Love Story)

Ch. 32: Worst Birthday Ever

I opened the door to the inside. It was pitch black until except for a small ray of light. Suddenly, it seems all the windows are open and there's yelling all around me. I practically jumped out of my skin, putting my hands over my head and squeezing my eyes shut. This was clearly an attack. 

"Is she okay?" I heard to the left of me. 

And to the right someone said, "Does this look okay ta you?" I opened one eye, seeing Race standing next to me. I relaxed, throwing my arms around his neck. 

After I released him, I asked, "Where's Spot? Is he okay? What 'appened?" Race simply points behind me. 

I whip around to see a perfectly okay Spot. "Jack said somethin' happened. You look fine," I said before anything else. 

"Did ya not just hear everyone shoutin' happy birthday?" He asked, coming closer and wrapping an arm around my waist. 

It hadn't occurred to me that the shouting was actual words. I guess I was too anxious for anything to make sense. I rolled my eyes. "No. I was too busy tryin' ta keep myself alive. Ya can't just scare me like that, you idiot." 

"Alright, sorry," He apologized, but you could tell by his smirk that it was insincere. It didn't bother me though. "Hope I can make it up ta you with this party?" 

For the first time since arriving I actually took a look around the room. Every single one of my friends was here. Even some people who I wasn't friends with. Beth, for example. And even Simon was here. I let a small smile creep onto my face. 

"Uh, what's going on?" Adam asked. I had once again forgotten he was here. 

Spot let his arm slide back down beside him, moving towards Adam so that he was now looking up at him. "Who's this?" He asked. 

"His name is Adam," I told him, moving to lightly hold his arm. He seemed upset about something. "He's been hangin' out with me all day." 

"Why?" 

"I was alone," I explained, "I had nobody else ta hang with and he was there. And he's nice." 

Spot took me aside. Using a low tone, he stated, "I dunno how I feel 'bout that, Nicky." 

"What are ya talkin' about?" I asked with the rise of an eyebrow. 

"Well," He took a pause, as if evaluating the situation. "I dunno how I feel 'bout you hangin' with a guy all day." 

He must've been joking. I scoffed. "That's a normal day for me. I really only know one girl and I basically just babysit her. And I literally live with a bunch o' guys. Hell, I sleep in the same bed as one. It really ain't as big a deal as yer makin' it." 

He kept his voice low, and in a matter of fact tone. "Yeah, well I know those guys wouldn't find ya attractive or nuttin like that." I took a step away from him. Not gonna lie, that kind of hurt. 

I raised my voice slightly. "Says who?" 

"Nicky, c'mon. You know they ain't." 

I laughed. How could he possibly be this self absorbed? "No, I don't think I do know that, Spot. In fact, I think yer delusional. Yer stuck in a little fantasy world where you're the only one who's ever looked at me and said, wow, that girl is really pretty." 

"Nicky-" 

"And ya wanna know why? Because yer afraid. Yer afraid of anyone so much as lookin' at me." 

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I just don't want ya talkin' ta him anymore." 

This made me laugh even harder. Don't get the wrong idea though. I was fuming. "Ya can't tell me who I can talk to. It just so happens that Adam is one o' the nicest guys I've met. He hung out with me and got me somethin' because nobody else cared ta wish me a happy birthday. Not even you." 

Spot got right up in my face. "You don't even know him!" 

Right then I had a realization. I couldn't laugh about it anymore. This was a serious fight. This wasn't like any argument we'd had before. 

"Yeah, well maybe you don't know me! I never said I wanted ta do somethin' for my birthday. In fact I said the exact opposite! I have been sayin' repeatedly that all I wanted for my birthday was ta be with all of you. I woulda been perfectly happy if we had a normal day where I got ta see you and be with you all day. But instead I couldn't find a single one o' ya at all." 

I think Spot had the same realization as me for his face hardened. "I've spent all week plannin' this, y'know. I did it for you. I thought you'd like it." 

"Of course I like it, Spot. I love it. Why wouldn't I? What I don't like is the way yer acting." 

He threw his arms up. "Whaddya mean the way I'm actin'? Yer the one who's bein' crazy. I've only been thinkin' of you this whole time." There was no way he could really believe this. I nearly punched him in the face there. 

"Oh really? So leaving me to be miserable was thinkin' of me? Tellin' everyone ta stay away from me then proceedin' ta get mad when I made a friend was thinkin' of me? I don't even know what ta think right now." 

"Can't ya just listen ta me for once?" He shouted, "I have a bad feelin' about 'im!" 

That was my breaking point. "For once? For once?! All I ever do is listen! How 'bout ya stop tellin' me what ta do for once! All ya ever do is try ta control me! I would still be seen as a boy. I wouldn't be judged on the street for wearin' trousers. I could've avoided the orphanage. I wouldn't be judged on the street for wearin' trousers. I would just be safer overall." 

He shook his head. "That was yer choice." 

"No, because you practically begged me ta let the secret out. Never had the thought even crossed my mind before you asked me to. It's not the only time either. I wanted ta stay friends. I thought it'd be better for us, but you wouldn't give up. You even went to the measures of datin' a girl you didn't like just ta make me jealous. I was perfectly happy how I was." 

At that, Spot's face softened, but it wasn't in a good way. He looked hurt. More hurt than I'd ever seen him. "Oh." It seemed to be all he could get out. 

Frantically, I tried to explain myself. "Spot, that's not what I meant. I-" 

He put a hand up. "No, it's okay, Nicky. I understand. So I guess I should just go then, if ya want it back how it was before we met." 

"Spot..." I whispered. 

He raised his voice back to a shout. "Well it's what you want, isn't it?!" 

My vision blurred from the tears I was trying to keep back. I tried to keep my voice from shaking as I opposed, "It's not. You know good and well that it's not. I'd like you ta stop twisting my words around." 

"I'm not twisting anything. Just like I have never tried ta control you." 

I shifted back to anger. It seemed to be a constant loop I couldn't get out of. "You really don't listen do you? You know what, if you don't even care enough to listen to what I'm trying to tell you then maybe you really should leave." 

"Fine! So I guess we're done here." 

"Done forever." 

The words left my mouth before I realized what I was saying. I was hoping he could figure out that it wasn't what I really wanted. But he left, just like that. And he didn't even seem very sad about it. Maybe he wanted this to happen. 

I was able to keep my composure until Jack approached me. "You okay?" 

It was silly how a simple question like that could make me sob so hard. I had been crying a lot lately. A lot more than I would've liked. Also, it was always over stupid things, like boys. 

I thought Spot was worth crying over. Or maybe I thought the opposite. Whatever my thoughts were, I cried anyway. I couldn't believe it was over for real. It wasn't like anything that had happened before. We were done. Really done.