her handmaiden // a lexa x you short story

five

"I care about you," she repeated in a quiet voice, "but this can't happen because the last time this happened, Azgeda killed the girl I loved. And I don't want something like that to happen to you."

I held my breath, hanging onto her every word. Lexa was many things, but a liar wasn't one of them.

She glanced up, swallowing thickly, before looking down with a frown. "You deserve better than me."

I raised my hand to the side of her face, carefully lifting her chin so she could look at me. "What if I want you?"

"You shouldn't."

"But I do."

She shook her head. "Well, you're a fool."

"Maybe I am," I agreed, hand falling to her neck, fingers caressing her hair.

She stared hard, eyes disapproving as they flickered between mine.

"If it's just that fear of losing me that's holding you back, then forget about it," I told her, a newfound confidence taking over. "It's a 'what if'. A very unlikely 'what if'. And it shouldn't stop you from..." I paused, trying to find the right words, before deciding to be honest. "I don't want it to stop me from telling you how I feel."

Her voice was unlike her – quiet, hesitant, and for the first time ever, afraid. "And how is that?"

Subconsciously, my thumb stroked her skin where my hand was still on her neck. "I really like being with you, And it's probably insane because you're the Commander, but I do."

She pressed her lips together, digesting my words, and I couldn't tell how she was feeling or what she was thinking. I feared I'd overstepped, yet again.

"Did I say the wrong thing?" I asked nervously, letting go of her, ready to accept her decision.

She shook her head, hand grasping mine before it could fall to my side.

"Then what are you thinking?" I asked, fingers tingling from where hers touched them.

"I feel the same," she breathed out. "And it's not insane."

I tried to hide my hopeful smile, but I couldn't help it from showing.

"I'll get over it," she decided, fingers playing with mine, and I don't think she realised she was doing it.

"Get over what?"

She nodded slowly. "My fear. Because I don't want it to stop you. Or me. Just like you said."

It was as if time slowed down when she spoke those words, the impossible suddenly becoming possible. Her eyes were olive green, half lidded and distracted, only enticing me further.

"That's what Commanders are known for, right?" I asked, too becoming distracted, though by her lips, pink and full and so close to my own. "Being fearless?"

Her lips curved upwards, an attempt at a stifled smile, but there was still a concern present in it, like she wasn't sure if she could do it. "I suppose so."

I hummed, eyes flickering back up to hers briefly, but she was looking at my lips too. I was going to lean in, but she beat me to it, pressing her lips to mine and closing the gap. I sighed into it, closing my eyes and pulling her close by her hand before resting mine on her waist. She didn't push away like the first time, nor pull away like the last time, and I knew she'd made her decision. She would give this a chance, give me a chance.

Every fibre of my being was ignited with desire at the feeling of her against me. Right now, Lexa had my heart in the palm of her hand.

I only hoped she wouldn't squeeze too tight.