I see you move so I do understand why you get attention

chapter eight

point of view Connor (that night)

Connor: Nana?

Nana: yes darling

Connor: I did it again

Nana: why didn't you talk to anyone?

Connor: Louis is still mad at me Liv is too young and dad is always at work the new babysitter is busy with everything and nothing

Nana: it can't go on any longer like this dear

Connor: I know but I don't know who I need to talk to

Nana: do I need to call your father?

Connor: NO that would bring me in more trouble and I would be grounded for longer

Nana: you need to talk.

"Tris can we talk?" I ask "you did it again didn't you?" why do he and Brad always know? James would kill me if he knows what I did "I did Nana wants me to talk to my father or to the new babysitter" I say crying "hey it's okay if you don't want to tell them they need to accept that if they don't they don't need to be surprised you don't want to talk to them in the future" Tristan is right Brad says open what I sended in the group, I do as he said he wrote a song again.

Connor: Jay do you still have your video camera here?

Jay: it's in Louis his soccer bag

Lou: I'll bring it to you I'm not mad at you Mason and Oli told me something that made me mad

Connor: it felt like it

Jay: that still isn't a reason to cut yourself

Lou: HE DID WHAT??????

Connor: nothing, did Nana told you?

Jay she did and I'm glad she did he cutted himself again he doesn't want to talk to Niall or anyone else

Lou: Con do you want to talk to me?

Connor: I want to talk to Tris.

I get my guitar and start playing some chords Shawn taught me to play since I was four I start to sing a little it's a song about my story I record the sound on my phone and hear a knock "can we talk" Liam asks again "fine the door is open" I'm done recording I sit against my wall with my guitar on my lap looking at Liam annoyed, what could he possibly want from me a little before nine Louis is a sleep just like Liv but I'm not going to sleep when he's around.

"I don't know what's wrong with you but I want you to know if you want to talk you can always come to or call me" Liam says "I'll think about it but I don't think I'll use it" he nods and walk out "talk to him you can use it he is five and a half years older than you he would understand you more than anyone else who tries can" Tristan says "you're right but I'm scared he would tell my father Tris, Nana told Jayden and he told Louis I can't even trust my own family."

Brad🙄: You don't even trust your family?

Connor: If I ask people not to tell it and they do I don't trust my family

Tris❤: fair enough but they just want to watch out for you

Connor: I know Tris

James🫂: especially Nana I don't know if you know but Nana lost Sierra and Sarah thanks to self harm

Connor: who?

Brad🙄: Sierra and Sarah your aunts Sierra is still alive

Connor: i'm going to tell Louis and Jay

Tris❤: you should

Connor: thanks guys

James🫂: is it runaway night?

Connor: it is I'll talk to you later.

I knock on Louis door and wake him up "what? let me sleep" Louis says "I can't Lou we have two aunts Sierra and Sarah, Sarah is dead thanks to self harm and Sierra is still alive but tried a lot of times" he sits up he's still on call with Jayden "he's right we didn't think it would be important to tell you Sierra has been in a coma for months now that's why your father is overworking" Greg says "he has been lying to us all this time we won't tell Liv yet maybe when she's older" I feel betrayed.

he hugs me "I get why Nana told me and Jay we don't want that to happen to you" Louis says "what if I want to die?" he shakes his head and says I don't want that to happen I need you in life with who do I need to annoy people is you are gone? who would understand me? I say you have your people Mason and Oli would understand you and annoy people, he says I don't have you then it would only get worse if you leave, what does Tristan needs to do without his sweet boyfriend?

Lou: dad? can we talk? please?

Connor: LOUIS DONT I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU

dad: yes Lou what's wrong? Con be nice

Lou: leave it

Connor: it sounded important

dad: text me in private

Lou: no it's that important I rather have my best friend than telling you this dad

Connor: are you serious?

dad: about?

Lou: nothing I mean it Con

Connor: thank you Lou

dad: is this about you cutting yourself Con?

Lou: it isn't

Connor: it is I'm sorry dad, Lou promised not to tell you just like Jay

dad: you two have a strong bond Greg told me about everything.

I leave Louis his room the fact I'm his best friend means a lot I walk down stairs "Liam can we talk?" I ask quietly "yeah ofcourse take a seat" I sit down I don't know where to start honestly I'm always listening to people talk I never talk about my problems I turned of the mic in the remote dad hid one in almost every room and I know where they are I play with my sweater we aren't going to talk about the fact it's twenty degrees outside and I'm wearing a sweater I'm cold.

I'm actually not but okay "I don't know where to start" I say "when did you start feeling this way? that's a good start, why did you start feeling this way?" he did this more often that is obvious "it started when I was eight my mother left us with our father after she abused us she came by every week and we figured out she stayed because she got money she's adicted to drugs and after a few weeks I started burning myself Louis caught me doing that and then I started cutting" I say feeling tears in my eyes "it's okay come here."