Imperfect Fit

Chapter 11-The First Kiss (Almost)

"We've already gone over this, Sage. I panicked. I was wrong. It's no excuse, but I was young and not ready to be a mom let alone to be married." She leans in whispering, her eyes dart around us behind the lens of her shades. "And you and I...when it was good it was...great, but we just moved so fast, you know?"

Things start working their way in place as I put the pieces together and I shake my head disbelieving it. "So, now you're ready? Is that it? You're moving back to start a relationship with Obie? Forget it." I stand, tossing some cash on the table and head out of the small diner. 

"Sage!"

Anger and resentment are swirling in a raging storm inside of me. I should hit the gym before heading home to drain this out of me before going home. Mei wouldn't mind if I took another thirty minutes.

"Sage!" Birdie holds my arm back. "Please, stop." She hurries to block me. "I messed up. But he's my son and I'm ready to fight for him if you want it to be like that."

My hands clench at my sides. "How dare you. How fucking dare you!" I take a deep breath before continuing. "After you leave without looking back, you move on and find it's not everything you hoped it was, so you come back here looking for what? Fulfillment? Well, guess what? It doesn't work like that. You can't pop in and out of a child's life like that. Obie doesn't even know you."

"Every child needs a mother."

"Are you telling me he fits in your life? How are you going to explain you have a son out of nowhere all of a sudden? And did you stop to think how this will affect him?"

"I'm not changing my mind about this, Sage."

I hate the panic that begins to consume me. For so long I've done everything I could to take care of and protect Obie. It's an awful realization that this could be out of my control. I'm clueless on how it works when a parent wants to re-establish parental rights after giving them up and my mind starts running through all the possibilities at once. I haven't been apart from Obie since he was born and the idea of having to miss time with him is gut wrenching.

Birdie's voice softens. "Please just think about it. My lawyer can talk to yours and we can talk things out, come up with something that works for you, me and Obie."

"Have you thought of the possibility that he may not want to?"

She takes a step back like my words have a physical impact on her. "Why wouldn't he? I mean, unless you've talked badly about me..."

"Please." Sarcasm drips from my voice and I narrow my eyes at her. "He asked me where you went and I told him the truth...I don't know. Other times he asks me what you were like."

"What did you tell him?"

I glance around the parking lot, feeling depleted after the rollercoaster of emotions. "He has a picture of us in the drawer of his nightstand. He doesn't think I know he has it. So he knows he got his curly hair from you." She smiles back at me. "But you look different now that you cut and dyed your hair...I told him when we met I noticed your smile first. That you were fun, and hated cooking." I stuff my hands in the pouch of my hoodie. We stand there in a strange silence. It's not awkward, but it's not comfortable either.

"Look, before we get further into this with lawyers and what not, I want to talk to him first. I don't want to put him through anything he doesn't want or need to. Regardless of how you or I feel. He comes first. Always."

She doesn't say anything for a moment but then agrees with a nod.

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"This thing is choking me," Obie complains, tugging at the bow tie that took me a ridiculous amount to get right. I run some pomade through his dark curls to tame them down a bit. "Do I have to wear it?"