Her Sweet Soul - ( JenLisa )

XV

"Her face is gorgeous. It's feminine but somehow her vibe is more like a man.. She acts like a gentleman who never Fails go make my heart flutter. She can make me feel a lot of crazy things with simply just breathing.. She's so cool but her heart is warm.. "


I can't breathe.. Please stop tearing my heart apart... Please..

"There's a lot of reasons for me to love her more and more everyday.. It's so easy to love her.. But why is it this hard to let her go? Why is it so hard to erase her out of my life when she's not even originally here.. " and she looked down.. I sighed in relief.. She finally stopped..


I know I wanted to listen to her but it never fails to hurt me everytime.. I'm just human after all. I am also hurting.. I am also suffering..


"I'm sure she feels the same way.. You're not so hard to love as well.. You are actually the easiest person to love that I've ever met.. " I tried comforting her with these words but who's going to comfort me?


"If only I don't have a cancer Kai.. We could've had the best days of our life.." She said with her eyes sprakling so bright like she's actually thinking of their days together if she ever was a healthy, strong person.


I looked down and hid my pain.. If ever Jennie was a healthy person.. I still wouldn't have a chance.. I might still be the same person who admires her secretly.. From afar..


"Wow.. I've never seen anyone loved someone as deep as this.. " I commented and she laughed a little which of course made me smile.. Like a ray of sunlight.. Her laughs gives me brightness..


"Well I never even knew I could like someone like this... I have no idea what falling in love means not until I met Lisa.. " she said and another bullet goes through my heart.. I'm bleeding a lot.. I'm hurting so much..


"If Lisa taught you how to love then why can't you just take a risk? " I asked curiously.. I know she might die anytime soon.. I know she might actually hurt Lisa but aren't they hurting already?


"You don't understand.. Lisa had suffered enough from the past.. She wouldn't be able to handle it if she ever loses me too.. I'm fine being hated by her as long as she can live peacefully.. I don't want her to cry for me.. I don't want her crying because she lost me" she said and the smile on her face quickly faded away that I started regretting my recent question..


"I don't have much experience about love and I don't exactly know what you're feeling because I don't have any illness but I think.. You should take a risk.. Maybe you should take a risk.. Because Jennie it's better to die trying than to die with regrets.. " I told her.. I know this is probably the worst idea ever..


I know I'm hurting myself.. I know I'm being lame but if Jennie is going to be happy with Lisa then I'll take what it had to be taken just so I could watch her smile everyday.. Even though I'm not the reason of it..


I'm fine getting hurt by her as long as she's not suffering any pain.. I'm fine handling it all just to make sure that she's happy and well.. Just so she can live her remaining days without regrets..


"But I'll have to hurt Lisa if I do that. I don't want to be selfish Kai.. I don't want to make her suffer. " she replied which made me furrow my brows..


"Well aren't you hurting her already? Both of you are making each other suffer.. Jennie, Lisa loves you and she's lucky because you love her back.. There's nothing much complicated about that.. Go on and take a risk.. Enjoy your remaining days and die with a smile.. I'm sure Lisa will understand doesn't she? " I tried convincing her.. I also tried convincing myself that pushing her to her happiness which is Lisa won't hurt me.. I'm trying to convince myself that everything is going to be fine..


That I can handle it just fine.. That it won't hurt that much.. I'm convincing myself to be strong.. So the girl that I love will be happy and well.. Just as long as she's happy..

"But what if she can't handle losing me? What if she tried doing something ridiculous when I'm gone?" She asked obviously still in doubt...


"Why are you looking down on Lisa like that? You know her more than me so you should know that she's mature enough to handle such things.. Why don't you tell her your condition? She will understand because that's just how she is.. " I said..


I don't know where this is coming from.. I don't know how I am saying these words.. I don't even know how I can handle sitting in front of her like this without panicking.. I don't know anymore..