Carolina [h.s]

thirty eight

I'm dying of laughter as Zayn runs behind her, eyes wide. "Juliet!" He yells after his out of control girlfriend as she floats on her back on the cool waters.

"Remove the stick from your ass, Zayn." She sticks her tongue out at him. "Come on, V," she calls to me.

Looking over at Zayn he gives me a look like saying 'Don't even think about it.' But I just smirk at him as I walk further into the waves and sink under the water soaking my entire dress. But I don't give a fuck.

This is how Harry must feel all the time, about everything. I just don't give a single fuck.

I float on my back next to my best friend and look up towards the sky. "I don't even fucking care anymore," I breathe out, and I hear her laugh from next to me.

"We don't fucking care!" Juliet shouts towards the stars, her voice echoing off the sky and the trees of the empty beach.

We don't care as the boys start walking towards the shoreline with disbelief on their faces, or that Zayn's yelling at us to get out. But as I sink back underneath the water, everything goes quiet and the outside world gets muffled.

When I open my eyes underwater all I see is pitch black nothingness. Without being able to breathe at all, I feel lighter than I've ever been in my entire life.

I sink further and further into the nothingness only to be pulled back out by trouble.

Gasping when I come back up for air, Harry holds me up by my arms. Green eyes are lit and on fire as he stands fully dressed as the water only comes up to his waist. I tug my arm out of his grip as I catch my breath.

"What, you thought I was gonna drown myself or something?" I humor him with a smirk as I make my way out of the water and Zayn pulls Juliet out while she complains ridiculously.

"That would be dramatic, wouldn't it?" I hear him say behind me but I don't respond.

With the boys and Li heading back towards the car, I grabbed my shoes off the beach. A little more sober than before I face Harry as water drips from the both of us. I watch as he reaches in his jean pockets, takes out the damp carton of cigarettes and shakes the water from his lighter.

He moves his hand through his hair, lights up and breathes in the toxins he depends on. Looking up, he inhales before breathing out and then holds up the one of many of his addictions to my lips.

He keeps his eyes intent on mine and tension is thick as I wrap my lips around the end of the stick and let the smoke flow through my lungs and out my mouth.

"Vada, Vada, Vada," He shakes his head, a smirk deepening across his lips.

Harry takes the cigarette back and places it back between his lips. Reaching forward he wipes away the bleeding mascara from my cheeks and brushes the pad of his fingers across my stained red lips.

"Baby, baby, baby—" He whispers again but the car horn blares from the parking lot.

I reach for his hand, squeezing it for a moment telling him what we both know already. We head back towards the car playing the role of strangers who have nothing to do with each other.

It's all our secrets that are killing us slowly.

***

The padder from the rain taps against the window's and pours a stream of fresh air through the opened patio door.

This morning I woke up in the familiar living room of the boy's apartment face down on the couch and in last night's dress. With a pound in my head and a pit in my stomach, I made my way towards the bathroom and stayed under the stream of the hot shower for longer than I intended to.