"I didn't choose this for myself: the constant heartache, the feeling out of place in my own home, the lack of freedom. I didn't choose it, just like you didn't, Elijah. I can live with a husband who doesn't love me, but I will not forgo respect. I'...
tw for this chapter: discussion of eating disorder and violence
summary of previous chapters because some people may not remember
Lilliana Campbell and Elijah Haze are in an arranged marriage and they go on a trip to Greece for a meeting with a rival crime family: the Gatalas. While there, Oron Gatalas asks for the Haze family to return weapons that were stolen but Elijah and Lilliana's families weren't involved in the theft.
Lilliana has been scared of giving birth for years, since her childhood friend died in childbirth. Her mother doesn't care and creates a contract without her knowledge for her to provide an heir that will formally unite the Campbell and Haze family. They try to conceive through IVF and are successful but before she can tell Elijah, she is kidnapped by a guard who takes her to Oron and they both rape her.
She loses the baby.
During their stay in Greece, they visit an orphanage and meet four kids who are about to be separated from their brother, because he is portraying 'asocial' behaviors. However, she uses her influence to bring them all to an orphanage in New York.
Back in New York, Elijah and Lilliana find Daniel, the guard that raped her, and before he dies he confesses that Elijah's mom was the one who hired him to get rid of Lilliana and sought Oron's help to do so.
Lilliana decides that she has had enough and moves out.
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It has been almost three months since I have seen Elijah. A month ago, Xander, Valentina, Erico and Mariana were taken to stay with the couple that wants to adopt them.
I cried for a week straight.
I've started self defence training with Vico again, to try and feel like I have some control over my life again, and I think it's helping. I don't flinch as much anymore and can manage to get a couple of hours of sleep every night.
Every week I still find myself on the coach of my therapist, telling her about everything.
"I don't think I ever got over my eating disorder. I just got better at hiding it and I managed it better. Because it wasn't as obvious anymore, no one realized. For example, if I am eating anything, I check the wrapper for calories, but because it's such a small thing no one around me overthinks it, even if they know about my issues."
My therapist looks at me, "Lilliana, there's no magic cure for eating disorders. It's a journey with ups and down, and it can take years to get to the final destination. Sometimes you never get there, but you need to surround yourself with people who will look out for you."
We continue speaking until our time ends. Actually, I talk and she listens.
Walking to my car, I look through my bag for my phone. I always turn it off during my sessions, but when the screen switches on and I see an influx of texts and missed calls, a wave of anxiety overwhelms me.
