Life of a Mental (No longer writing)

Chapter Twenty Two

Before I feel into sleep’s grip, a thought floated into my mind. I stopped fucking guys who scream “do it to me, baby” but instead whisper, “I love you.” It’s possible that my life was heading in the right direction.

I shook that thought from my head; it was too good to be true. Knowing me, it is all just a sweet hallucination of the happy pills.

***

“Won’t your parents be worried where you were?” Riley pulled his jeans on, looping the belt back up. He leaned forward, putting pressure on his hands against the bed, and kissed my forehead.

I rolled over, pulling the covers closer to my body, unwilling to let go of sleep. “No, they never notice. If I were to go missing for a month, they may start to notice.”

He sat on the bed by my side, stroking my hair with a gentle touch. “What about David?”

“He’s not a parent.” I sat up and quickly started to dress.  No matter how much I desired David to have been my father, he wasn’t. Mum was still oblivious to what Dad was doing. Maybe if she knew, she would marry David instead; he’s much better for a father figure. Mum likes him as a person- maybe even more with a little push. It’s only natural for them to be together not just as employer and employee. I shook that thought from my head; I didn’t have the right to split up my biological family for a family that would be more convenient.

Not wanting to linger on that topic for another moment longer, I panicked and asked, “What are you doing today?”

Riley shrugged as he slipped his shoes on. “I think I have footy. Why?”

Tying my hair into a braid, I answered with a nonchalant attitude, “Just wondering.”

I wanted to spend more time with him. He’s where I felt safe, like nothing could ever touch me. I was invincible. It is remarkable that even with such a small amount of time with him, how better I feel about myself. 

He smiled as he held the door open for me. “Come to footy with me,” he said. I nodded my head. Grabbing his hand on the way out, I didn’t let go of it until we were outside and paid.

The moment it sunk in what I had agreed to, my heart started to beat uncontrollably. Promising to go and spend time with his friends...people I didn’t know, people I wasn’t comfortable with, people I have to impress.

I rubbed my sweaty palms across my thighs and bit my bottom lip. Riley kissed my forehead goodbye.

Two hours, a shower and a change of clothes later, I leaned against the black Iron Gate with my arms crossed over my chest, waiting for Riley.  “Oh God,” I hissed, tossing my head backwards and starting at the dark, billowing sky. Praying that the rain would prevent me from meeting his friends, I tapped my flat show against the pavement. After a few minutes my neck became tired and I started I rummaging though my bag looking for anything to distract me.

“I see you’re ready,” a voice called from the end of the street.

Riley, under the weight of his black sports bag, strutted towards me with a grin. He wore a faded mock Newcastle jersey and in his hand he gripped muddy football boots.

Looking up and spanning my bag shut, I smiled. “Sure am.”  

I snaked my hand through his own and pulled him across the street.

After a few steps, Riley stopped and pulled away. Looking down the street, he asked, “Where you going?” He ruffled his hair.

“To the pitch,” I snorted, crossing my arms.

“It’s this way,” Riley said laughing. Before I had time to respond, he grabbed my hand and yanked me the other way. Wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on my shoulder, he led me for a few steps like that.

Every few steps he planted a kiss on my neck. His touch was so tender it was like his lips were echoes of last night. I closed my eyes and breathed in, taking in his essence.  

I smiled thinking about how special Riley made me feel. Perhaps he was my Mr. Darcy.

When we arrived at the pitch, Riley unhooked his arms from my body. The moment the patched of skin that he once occupied were exposed to the cold, late autumn air, I remembered my fears. I halted and stood still, even when Riley held the latch-gate open for me.

He walked back through the gate to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

Waving my hand in the air, I stuttered, “Nothin’.”

“Then come here.” He took my hand and started dragging me though the gate, but I resisted. Dropping my hand, he sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Right, if nothin’s wrong then come, sit on the stand and cheer for me.”

I smiled meekly, looking at the patch of dirt under my boots. “I’d rather not.” I looked towards the other lads warming up. A few of them were looking at Riley and I with odd glanced. Whispering to make sure that my fears were kept secret, I pulled Riley close and said, “They’re scary.”

Riley pulled away from me with a laugh. “They’re scary?” he said in a soft tone. “Love, if anyone is scary here- it’s you.”

“Excuse me?” I stuck a hand on my hip and glared at Riley.

But he didn’t show a flash of terror cross his face. Shaking his head, he bluntly said, “Oh, you know what I mean, yeah? You can just,” he paused to collect his thought, “when you want to be scary you can be very fucking scary.”

I patted his chest, pushed him aside and walked into the enclosed pitch. “Go Riley!” I cheered with fake enthusiasm, throwing my hands in the air like they do on those American teenager shows.

“Ok, you can cut the sarcasm,” he said wrapping an arm around my waist and kissing my forehead with a smirk.  “Go sit down. Look there’s Marla- she’s nice, you can talk to her.”

“Why’s she here?”

“She’s dating Elliot.” He pointed to a boy that I recognised as the one who gave us grief for dating.  I scuffed which caused Riley to say, “He’s not that bad.”

I sighed and walked over to the three-row stand, sitting down to the girl named Marla, I smiled. “I’m Liv.”

“I know; we’ve been going to school together since we were eleven,” she said in a sweet voice.

Looking away from her, I felt my skin flush red. That’s embarrassing, I thought, fiddling with my thumbs. “So what does Elliot play?” I asked to change the subject.

“Keeper,” she responded, looking out at the pitch. Elliot looked over her way and she waved her fingers.

I stared at Riley until he looked towards me. As soon as he held my eye’s gaze, I blew him a little kiss and winked.

Marla started speaking, asking questions and talking to me like we had known each other for a long time- really known each other. Maybe the whole idea of getting to know different people wasn’t as difficult as I thought it was going to be.

Marla was sweet- too sweet to be dating a lad like Elliot. But who am I to judge when I spent years with Cale.

“Why are you even with Cale?” Nelly said with force. Her usual air of lofty thoughts had quickly vanished. In its place was a ridged being.

I looked away from her clear gaze. “Because he has always been there for me.”

Nelly snorted. She must not have taken her pills today. ”If he’s here for you, then why does he never visit?”

She had a point, but I would never admit that to her face. It may just give her a sense of importance. “He doesn’t know I’m here,” was all I could think of to say. It’s true, he doesn’t. But I would have hoped he figured something out and tried to reach me.