𝟓𝟕 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬; 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐱

𝟯𝟰; 𝗜'𝗺 𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘆

"Felix?"

his voice echoed in the silence of the grey-colored walls, Hyunjin assumed he was asleep as he sat down his stuff on the kitchen countertop, took off his shoes and jacket, and began to make his way toward Felix. the smell of vanilla and lavender has been overtaken by him recognizing it no longer as what it was but instead associating it with Felix and loving it, appreciating even a scent that reminded him of the brunette boy "Felix?" he called out once again this time softer and mellow

yet his ears were met with no response, and just as he was about to open the door of the bedroom he heard a hacking cough that alerted all his senses causing him to thrash open the door and reveal a Felix that was kneeled on the ground holding onto the bed with one hand and covering his mouth with the other, his eyes widened as he sprinted toward him and sat by his side on the cold floor "Felix? what's wrong- what" he was bewildered as he put an arm over the shorter's shoulder and held his face up so he could look at him with the other hand

Felix took in a deep breath letting his hand that was set on his mouth lose as a single teardrop fell freely from his eye, sweat decorating his face as he let himself fall in Hyunjin's embrace too tired to hold himself together anymore "what happened, why are you on the floor?" Hyunjin said worriedly "I-" was all Felix could respond with before he was left breathless as he was pulled into another fit of coughs

Hyunjin knitted his brows together rubbing the brunette's back attempting to ease his ache, he was scared and worried but what worsened it was the blood that splattered on his white shirt as Felix clung to him like one on life-support, his eyes widened and ache spread all over his body "wha-" his mind was completely blank, he didn't know what was happening "I'm...sorry" Felix whispered, sniffling as he let out a deep sigh and buried his face in Hyunjin's chest

continuing to sniffle here and there "are you okay?" Hyunjin's voice was small when he lowered his head to look at Felix who had his eyes closed but still nodded "don't worry, it's just a mild lung infection, happens when I stop taking medication" he muttered, voice raspy and rough "but you...you've been taking medicine consistently" there was silence from Felix's side "is there- Felix?" the shorter sighed and opened his eyes softly, raising his head as he gazed into Hyunjin's eyes

"Can we do this some other time" the shorter spoke, eyelids drooping as though he'd fall asleep right here and now, Hyunjin sighed as he licked his lips wrapping his arm around Felix's waist and tucking the other under his knees, carrying him bridal-style and settling him down on the bed "how'd you end up on the floor?" his frown still present and eyebrows still furrowed "I got up to get myself water, got dizzy, fell, started coughing like a maniac and then you came" the latter spoke his tone sounding as though he was annoyed and tired

which was valid and Hyunjin sympathized so much, his heart wrenching at the other's condition "I'll get you some water" before the taller could get up a warm embrace held his wrist and stopped him "don't, stay" Felix looked at him with pleading eyes that were bloodshot red, and who was the latter to refuse? so he sat down beside Felix and rested his frowning face "how was your first day at work?" Felix's lips curled up into the smallest smiles making Hyunjin sigh as he tucked him better into the covers

"sucked" Felix licked his lips gulping before he began to speak "I told you, you didn't have to do it for me-" but Hyunjin was quick enough to cut him off with words that made his stinging chest gleam with contentment "but then I thought of you, and it was all good" his lips tucked up in a sweet smile as he continued to speak, "I thought of my jar of fairy dust and it made me happy, with its magic" Felix chuckled at his words reminiscing the first time Hyunjin called him this

"Actually, no, you're not a jar of fairy dust--you're a fairy yourself" Felix giggled louder at that, with his remaining energy and it made Hyunjin smile deeper. Insane how Felix had felt terrified moments ago, a pain so immense he could barely breathe and here he was giggling as if it never happened "Stay still, I'll get you some water" Hyunjin patted the boy's head before he got up to walk out of the room

The second he was out of Felix's eyes his smile fell and breathing began to pace, chest heaving up and down as he walked up to the  kitchen counter and attempted to even his breath, his vision blurred and all that echoed in his heart was 'will he be okay?' and of course, his mind was ready to answer 'no' yet he didn't want to believe it, he wanted to live in a made up fantasy in where Felix would be just fine

Out-live his disease and be happy with Hyunjin, but Alas, the reality couldn't be further from that. A few moments passed and he seemed to regain his breathing, his thoughts were still in disarray but he hid them behind a mask and poured some water in a glass, and began walking toward the room again with a heavy mind and dying heart

"Here" he handed the water to Felix who attempted to sit up straight but Hyunjin held him back, putting a pillow behind his back as he held the glass against his lips and helped him drink water. Once done, he settled the glass onto the white bedside table the sound of glass meeting wood echoed just slightly enough for the two boys to hear, Felix's eyes followed Hyunjin's hand before it settled on his face. He was gazing at the glass he's put down with emptiness in his eyes

And even through the mask Felix could see something was off, he could see through the fake serene and it hurt his heart more than the previous ache did "I'm sorry" his voice made Hyunjin look at him with furrowed brows "huh?" He was confused making Felix gulp "I'm such a pathetic mess" the brunette looked down at his hands in embarrassment before looking up at Hyunjin again

Who sighed deeply "You know very well you don't have to apologize, then why do you make me repeat myself over and over?" Felix was silent for a few seconds, Hyunjin's tone was so sincere and it made him want to pull his hair out—he didn't know how he could argue with that, he wished to, but there were no valid points he could make and so he had to give in and speak the truth  "because... I feel sorry, all the time. No matter what I do I feel sorry, and I don't want you to hate me because of how lousy and pathetic I am-- I'm sorry you have to put up with me, I'm sorry"

Before he knew it, he had broken down in sobs and it only made him feel further pathetic as he hid his face in his hands trying to hide away, but he didn't need to hide. The taller held him by his nape and pulled him into a hug, sweet and warm. Just like home should be "Stop calling yourself pathetic" his voice came out much harsher than he wanted it to

"There is nothing you can do to make me hate you—no matter what you do, I will never hate you, Felix never, ever"

That only triggered the tsunami of Felix's tears further, while Hyunjin held him silently in his arms wishing to take away every pain this boy was going through, wishing to cry his tears, wishing to suffer his grief, wishing to live the hell he lived just so the other wouldn't have to. But that wasn't possible, we all have to die our own deaths, live our own aches, and stay awake through our nightmares, that was just life and how it worked

moments passed yet Felix's crying didn't stop and the thwacks it left behind on Hyunjin's heart were sure to leave a permanent mark, the taller hid his face in Felix's hair and kissed his head, before he rested his chin there and whispered the words that would put Felix on a throne of such lovingness that he could never be wounded again "you're safe here, in my arms"